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Sunday, June 24, 2012

You don't complete me

After my post the other week (My Story Part 2) I have had a couple of comments about how people are so glad that I found happiness in Luke.

The thing is, this is wrong. Sweet but wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband more than anyone else. He is amazing and funny and sweet and I would be devastated if I ever lost him.

He just doesn't complete me.

As fabulous as my Luke is, he is not me.

Confused? Lemme explain.

I think one of the big issues with how the world portrays love is that we are some how made 'whole' or 'completed' by the person we love.

This is really really bad.

It means that essentially we are making that person our god.

Whether we are happy or not depends on their existence and mood.

Whehter we are ok depends on whether they are ok.

If we happen to be single then chances are we are expected to be miserable and on an active hunt to find our 'other half'. If we aren't then there is something fundamentally wrong with us because we are missing the puzzle piece that completes us.

I did that once. My ex husband was my god and I was nearly destroyed by it ending. I refused to let it ever happen again.

So instead, I placed my hope in God.

I found my identity and strength in Him. First and foremost I am a child of the risen King and it is he who makes me whole. No one else.

Not even Luke.

And Luke knows this.

I have told him straight up that if he left or died or whatever I would be absolutely gutted beyond any mere words but I wouldn't be destroyed.

I would survive, I would still find joy, I would be ok, because I wouldn't be any less me. I wouldn't suddenly have half of me removed. I may be traumatised but I would be me.

Because my joy is not found in Luke. My joy is found in God.

Luke is my bonus prize.

So to all the people out there who are glad that I found my joy in Luke, let me correct you.

Luke makes me happy, very happy, but my joy is found in the Lord.

It was there before Luke, it will be there after him.

And I think that is the way it should be. Relationships should not be about completing each other but about pointing each other toward a deeper relationship with God.

Only if you are whole in yourself, in God, can you have a deep mutual relationship with another.

So to Luke, I love you so much, but I am so glad that you don't complete me.

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