Who the heck is Lazarus?!

If you don't know the story of Lazarus rising from the dead, here is a brief overview:

Lazarus sick.

Sisters ask Jesus for help.

Jesus is late.

Lazarus dies.

Jesus cries.

Jesus prays.

Miracle recovery is understatement of history.

This is an awesome story that I have been taught since I was knee high to a grasshopper and playing with the wooden blocks in Sunday School while spilling orange Raro juice down the front of my best clothes. If you were a church kid you know what I am talking about. In fact I am pretty sure there is a funny song that goes with this story but for the life of me I cannot remember how it goes.

As I grew in wisdom and understanding I realised that this story raises more questions than it answers. Firstly, why the heck did Jesus not take the time to go and see a dying friend? For someone who is all loving that seems a little harsh by my reckoning. Second, if Jesus had the power to raise Lazarus from the dead, why on earth was he crying about his death? If I knew I could bring him back I would be like "chill guys, I got this" but instead he acts like a mourner at a funeral (funnily enough).

Third, and perhaps the most perplexing for me, is that Jesus is NOT the first to be raised to life after dying. Now some of you may be thinking "well, duh" but lemme explain. 

Jesus, the God-man that he is, defeated death by coming back out of the grave. The consequences of sin is death so by defeating death he also defeated sin and the hold that it has on humanity. This means that not only are we forgiven, but we now can live in eternity in bodies that are all shiny and sparkly and never decay (Twilight anyone?). That is the briefest explanation in history of what happened on the cross, and the shallowest too, but what does it mean if there was someone who was risen BEFORE Christ?

Sayings like "firstborn among the dead" that are attributed to Jesus seem to be a little more confusing. I read this now and think "Hold on, but what about our good friend Laz?" Maybe Jesus was the first to take on a renewed body. But then old Lazzy was walking around in a body that had been dead for four days in the heat of the middle east! No amount of Lynx is gonna make woman come running to that smell. 

So how does Lazarus fit in with the whole resurrection thing? Thoughts?

You think I'm crazy?

I have been reading books by a dude called John Swinton recently. He is a professor at Aberdeen University and has written a lot about the need for christian friendship in the lives of those affected by mental problems. As someone who has struggled throughout the majority of my life with some medical mental condition or another I found his work hugely inspiring, thought-provoking and challenging.

Since reading his book "Resurrecting the Person" I have been struck by how many negative ideas about mental problems there are in the world around us. For example, when was the last time you exclaimed that someone was crazy for something they thought/did/said? I do it all the time! But crazy is a profoundly negative word that suggests that someone is not in their right mind. It's the same a using 'gay' as an insult; it just really shouldn't be done.

There is also the idea that somehow people with mental problems need 'fixing'. My sister just the other week told me how, when I was at the worst of my mental problems, she felt as if she had 'lost' me. Swinton points out that people are not a problem to be fixed and shouldn't be hidden by their illness (they are a schizophrenic, she's bipolar etc) but rather should be still treated as a person (that's cindy, she is an amazing artist who also struggles with mental problems).

It's actually a lot harder to do this than I initially thought. It is so easy to look at someone who is a little different in the way they act and react by trying to diagnose them in order to understand them better, rather than getting to know them as they are without a label. And I have had the labels! I know how destructive they are to a person, and yet I fall into this trap as well.

So what do we do about it? Really I don't know. It is one thing to say befriend people and see them for who they are not what is wrong with them, but to put that into reality is a lot harder. The best example there is is that of Jesus. He hung out with all sorts of people that were shunned and misunderstood by society and yet he saw them for who they were and treated them all as individuals. Think of the various women he talked to, seeing them for who they were not what they had done. Or going and having dinner with sinners and demanding nothing but their company. In my head I can see him sitting with the misunderstood person with mental heath problems and just listening to them talk and seeing them for who they are.

I would like to be like that. I would like to take the time to listen and sit and be friends with the people that, let's face it, can be damn difficult to befriend sometimes. I would like to bring life and love. The question now remains, will I?

Why Eschatology is so important

Now I know that as soon as some people read this title they are gonna have their guard up or perhaps not even read this. Eschatology, or our idea of the end times, is a hot subject in Christian circles. Much time is spent arguing whether or not their will be a rapture, whether one is a pre-, post-, or amillenialist. Our ideas of heaven and hell and how God will (or will not) judge people and who will be saved. All of these are, if not overtly, hotly contested issues within churches and some people will go to a church or not depending on the churches view on eschatology.

Others take a different approach. Many people, in reaction to the hype around these issues, believe that it is better to ignore them. If we don't argue about them then it is better, in fact no one really cares or needs to care about the end times; what happens will happen. While I agree with some of this I also think that, while we could definately argue less, I would say that our view on what happens after this life or at the end of the world shapes how we live today. Let me explain.

If you are an atheist and you believe there is nothing after this life expect worms and darkness, then this will affect how you live your life. You will probably need to find a reason for being on this planet for 80 odd years. Usually that involves fun, money, work, family etc. They become your purpose but there is no need to rack up 'brownie points' by living for anyone or anything other than what you want and what makes you happy. You may chose to help others and be a giving person but that would be out of your own desire not from any belief that a person is intrinsicly worth something or compassion and love is something that has a 'higher purpose'. Your belief in nothing after life will dictate how you feel about life and how you respond to others.

On the other hand if you believe that there is something after this life then that will have an impact to. Maybe you don't believe in bodily resurrection. If you don't then your attitude towards people with physically disabilities may be one of deep sorrow and very little hope for those people. They have been 'cursed' in a sense and will never know anything else. If you believe in bodily resurrection then you will have hope for their one day being able to run and walk and be healed. There is a reason to not despair. Your view on bodily resurrection after this life affects how you think and feel and act in this life.

If you believe that everyone will be saved then you may not evangelise as much as someone who believes passionately that there is a selection process that people go through. In fact religions that have a belief in life after death are much more evangelistic than those that don't. In other words our eschatological beliefs shape how we act towards others and how we think about the value of life.

I think that this is something we need to be aware of. We need to discover what we believe about life after death and the end times, and why we believe it, so that we can see how this impacts the way we view others and humanity. Many Christians never look at what they believe will happen and don't see the impact that it has on their actions. Churches are often so strong on eschatology or so anti teaching it that people can get quite an unbalanced view and never see how it impacts today! So think on your eschatology, don't avoid it, argue and debate and think and ponder and challenge yourself and others. Perhaps what you find out about yourself and how you think about others will shock and challenge you.

Eschatology is not your enemy, embrace the tension!

Why I like Annihilation

The other day a couple of friends and I were talking about what happens after death. We were debating whether or not hell and the idea of eternal damnation were consistent with a just and loving God. This is a debate I have heard many times and my ideas have changed over the years I have read and listened to others and tried to understand the bible in the light of what others say and my own study. These are my conclusions:

We are born with an innate sense of justice and mercy. We understand that some crimes are more heinous than others and therefore deserve a greater form of punishment. The Mosaic law in Leviticus shows us that God himself gave us laws that showed asome crimes deserve greater punishments. With this in mind, it seems out of character with what I know of God through Scripture that he would then send all people who don't believe in him to a lake of fire where they would then be in torture for the rest of forever. Eternity. Always. That is one heck of a long time and seems a little extreme (except perhaps in cases of people like Hitler etc).

I have also noticed that one of the greatest fears in the world is that of death. People are terrified of getting old and dying. They don't know what lies beyond and that is scary. If it is hell then they ought to be scared. But even if it is not, the idea of dying and there be nothing, zip, nadda, and this life of approx. 60yrs has been for nothing is just as scary. People often get depressed thinking about the fact that this life could be pointless. Even in days gone this was a fear. The idea of dying without an heir to carry on your name was seen as the worst possible fate. That is why it was permissible to divorce barren women, because if your genes weren't passed on then really, what was the point? Life is pretty damn hard, the only point of it would be hope that something in the future gives it meaning. For Christians this is Christ. He offers life, life eternal, and so this life has meaning beyond our painful years here. It means that when we die there is something that we are living for. That is why we do not fear death, that is why death has lost it's sting. That is why death was defeated by Christ, it is no longer our enemy.

So if death is the enemy of all who don't believe in Christ, then it makes sense to me that those who chose not to follow him have a reason to fear it. Not because of torture or hell or anything like that, but because they will be dead. No more. Cease to be. All over red rover. The few years they spent carving out a niche in this world was pointless. Whether they spent it in luxury or in pain they all end up the same way. They will be worm food and their children will in turn die and they won't be remembered. Hell is knowing that your life had no purpose, no reason, was a waste of time. Everything you did was for nothing. The hopelessness of that scares the bejeezus out of me. But Christ brings life and hope.

So I am an annihilationist and proud of it. It seems consistent with what I know of God and Scripture and life. Maybe I am wrong, but, as I am in Christ, I don't really fear hell anyway :)

What to do with the Church

I have often found my self in the position of being asked hat I think about a particular church. It could be any church and anyone could be asking for any particular reason. Most of the time I can give them a run down on the doctrinal differences of one denomination to another, the structure of the church, and (if I know the church personally) will be able to tell them about the programmes and people within it. Sometimes I find myself in the particularly tricky situation of being asked my own personal belief on whether or not I agree with the gospel the church is preaching. A lot of the time I have no issue, but what do I do when I do?

I find it difficult to speak out against a church to people, which is odd for me because I usually have no trouble speaking out about anything! But it feels almost unchristian, almost traitorally to speak out about a church. For example, I have major issues with the prosperity doctrine that some churches preach. I find it antethical to the gospel and it offends me when I hear it preached. I know people who go to churches who do preach and people who believe in it and many, if not all, are good people and have a strong faith. But when asked what I think about the teaching I don't know how to respond.

I think this kind of stage fright when asked about churches is not just a problem that I have. I think christians all over are not sure if it is kosher to be anti a church, or if it appropriate to say so. I wonder why? Luther had no problem, though a lot of heart ache, at speaking out against what he saw to be false teaching that was against the gospel. He didn't want to speak out but felt it his christian duty to do so. So did his name sake Martin Luther King Jr. Pretty much every denomination started because somebody somewhere said something about how they didn't like the way the church is being run. Church splite became almost fashionable in some denominations over trivial issues in some cases. Jesus himself spent a lot of time telling the religious authorities of the day that they were doing things wrong, as did Paul.

So where does that leave me? If I am checking my intentions, speaking in love and with wisdom, is it alright for me to sppeak out against a church to whom I do not belong but with whom I hva emany issues? Am I allowed to encourage people not to go? Am I allowed to voice warnings out of concern for the faith of the poeple asking me? Am I allowed to challenge the leadership and question its authority? And can I do it on the grounds of them not preaching the gospel?

The Monotony of Life?

I was having a discussion the other day with a friend about his fear of the monotony of life. He told me he was afraid of living a life that was a 9-5 work day, coming home, tv, sleep, repeat. His fear was that life would get boring, friends would get boring and, worst of all, that family would eventually get boring.

This conversation has stayed in my mind the last week or so and I have wondered about his fears at those times in the night when everything is silent except all the thoughts in your head. I have wondered if he is right, that life is a treadmill of monotony and then you die. I have wondered if people have always thought like this, and if not, where did it come from? I have wondered and asked myself and the night if I too fear life being boring?

I think that in a life bombarded by advertising telling us that our lives will not be truly happy til we buy a, b, or c then it is totally understandable that we are growing generations of people terrified of being boring, of being still, of things not constantly changing. We have bred an age of people who do not know how to live the same day in and day out. We must be buying something new, seeing something new, going somewhere new, dating someone new. If life is boring it is our fault, the problem is with us and we must do something to fix it, to make it exciting again. The age of irresbonsibility (cunningly disguised in the title 'adolesence') is getting older and older because people are afraid of being responsible, of being boring.

But if you really stop to consider a life without routine I think that that is a decidedly scarier thought. Imagine a life where you can't rely on your job being there in the morning, can't trust your partner/spouse/boy/girlfriend to be there for you and consistent in the way they are (hmmm, actually that sounds a lot like some people I know....). Imagine not being able to rely on a paycheck every week, food on the table, money in the bank (well, most of the world lives like that so maybe we should count our blessings...). Imagine that the day in day out 'boring' stuff of life changed at random any day in liked and tell me how much fun would it be living in a world like that? Would it be less stressful, happier, more exciting? Or would it become so unstable that people would be desperate for monotony? Is that in fact why we have such high rates of suicide and drug and alcohol problems, because people can't stay up to speed with this world that changes so fast? Perhaps it is the boring that makes the exciting exactly that.

I am getting married in just over two months and, I have to say, I am looking forward to waking up everyday to the same face, to seeing him and dinner time, to knowing he will be there for me, to having our house with our stuff and not having the nomadic life of a single. Call me boring, but I think all of that is exactly what I was made to enjoy.

Living Life Well?

For as long as I can remember I have been sick. Since age 12 I have suffered from one mental illness or another. Since 14 until recently I have had serious addiction problems. The repurcussions of those addictions have led to other bodily illnesses that I struggle with. All in all, I spend a lot of my life either very tired or very sick.

My family don't really get it. They have seen the amazing changes that God has done in my life and want the past to be the past; me being ill now either seems hyperchondriachial or too hard to deal with. So I don't tell them most times I am sick, especially when I end up in hospital. My ex-husband found it all too frustrating and hard and left emotionally and mentally long before I walked out the door. My future husband is supportive and loving but does find my constant anxiety and lethargy hard to understand and confusing as to how to deal with.

I get scared. I worry that he will leave as the first one did. I worry that it is actually all psychosymatic and I am just lazy. I worry that people think I am giving excuses. But most of all I worry that I will be this way for the rest of my life. That thought petrifies me.

It worries me because I don't know how to accept that I may never be able to live as a well person. I dont want to never be in full time work again, or to be taking medication for the rest of my life. I don't want to let these issues run my life and tell me what I can and cannot do. I don't want to get tired quickly and not handle big crowds. I don't want to have to avoid parties if there is alcohol (which is every one!). I don't want my husband-to-be to have to cope with me being in bed a lot or support me more that I him. I don't want any of this! It makes me angry to have to live my life having to make room for something that is so unwelcome and so painful! And I want people to understand. I want them to see how hard it is and not be afraid of it, or give me pat little christian answers, but to see it and love me for it and in spite of it.

How do you live life well when you are unwell? How do stand strong when you have no strength? How do you accept what is, and not despair? How do you embrace life when the world is telling you you arent strong enough, or fast enough, or able to cope enough? And how can I expect anyone else to be able to cope with all of this when I am unable to do so myself?

It is nights like these when I join with Christ as he cried out "why God, why?"