A Long Walk To Wedgies

I am starting training for my walk from one end of the country to the other for charity (see here and here for more info). This training involves going for a 2 hour walk as many times as I can a week. Hopefully I will get up to once a day. At the moment it is once every other day.

And here is why:

This is the conversation my body and I have every morning before, during, and after my 8km walk. Enjoy.

ME: Alarm has gone off, time to get up.

BODY: I don't wanna

ME: Come on, you know you will feel great if you get up for a walk.

BODY: Nope. I hate you.

ME: Ok, seriously, you can't do this to me every morning! We need to get up!

BODY: You suck. You go for a walk but I am staying in this nice comfy bed.

ME: I am giving you to the count of three to get your lazy ass out of bed.

BODY: *blows raspberry*

ME: 1……

BODY: Can't make me

ME: 2……

BODY: But you love your bed!

ME: 3…….

BODY: HA! didn't work!

ME: GET OUT OF BED!

BODY: Geez, ok, you don't have to yell or anything.

ME: *putting on shoes*

FEET: What? What is this? I was sleeping? Wait…..I know these shoes…..DEAR GOD NO! Run feet, run, get away before she puts those mmmnnnfffdmmmmdmd the rest is muffled by shoe)

Me: *start walking*

LEGS: What? Wasgoingon? I didn't sign up for this! The sun isn't even up properly!

ME: Come on guys, just a little bit faster.

LEGS: I HATE YOU! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!

ME: It's not for long.

LEGS: LIAR!!!!! We already hurt! Take us home NOW!

ME: *getting into the rhythm of walking*

BUTT: Hold the phone, who woke us up?

LEGS: It's the b***h we are attached to. She feels the need to abuse us again.

BUTT: But I am her favourite! She never makes me do anything! She just puts me on a comfy seat and that is me set for the day.

LEGS: Well aren't you lucky, she hates us, but not as much as feet.

FEET: mmmmmmmnnnnfffddmmmdddffff

BUTT: Shut up feet, we are hurting up here.

ME: *starts puffing*

LUNGS: Can…'t…..bre….athe…..

ARMS: Oh look, another nice day to be swung about.

BUTT, LEGS: SHUT UP ARMS!

FEET: mmmsshshsmmmttt

BRAIN: ok guys, ok, I got this, I will have a chat to her and sort out this obvious mix up.

BRAIN: Hi honey, whacha doing?

ME: Walking, getting fit.

BRAIN: Why you wanna do that for?

ME: Good for me.

BRAIN: Ok, I get it, you feel the need to better yourself. Hey, I am all for that, do it all the time. But you see, the rest of the body is in revolt.

ME: Suck it up, pain is good.

BRAIN: Now you and I both know that that is a lie. So how bout we just make it a short one this morning? You still went for a walk, you still feel good. But the rest of body feels good too. Whaddya say?

ME: No.

BRAIN: Ok, ok, I hear ya. How bout, you take the next turn back home, avoid the big hill, just walk the flat bit and take it easy? I am all for this pushing yourself thing, but Legs, they just don't get it.

ME: Must…keep….going

BRAIN: Well this is just silliness. There is the turn, come on, take it now, it's passing Christine, you going past it.

ME: Have to do the whole thing.

BRAIN: Ok, no worries, there is a short cut coming up and….

ME: NO.

BRAIN: It's no good guys, she won't budge.

LEGS, BUTT, ABS: WHAT??

FEET: wffffaaammmmm

BRAIN: OH, hello Abs, when did you wake up?

ABS: About 5 mins ago, really starting to ache, what is she thinking?

BRAIN: Well, apparently she feels the need to get fit. Apparently we aren't good enough the way we are anymore.

BUTT: Bloody hell.

LEGS: We have to convince her to stop!

FEET: mmmmnnnfnffffgggnnmm

ABS: What? What did Feet say?

BRAIN: I believe they were saying to give her hell.

LEGS: Challenge accepted.

ME: Oh God, I hurt so much. I can't go on!

BRAIN: I told you. I told you this would happen.

ME: I think I have blisters all over my feet.

BRAIN: Yes well, Feet won't really be pleased with that. 

ME: I don't know if I can keep going.

BRAIN: So stop. Look, there is a nice wall. Have a sit down and call hubby on your phone and get him to pick you up.

ME: No…I can do this.

BRAIN: Seriously? Can you feel your body right now?

ME: I can do this!

ME: Woop woop! I did it!! I got home!!

BODY: *collapses*

BRAIN: *Switches off*

ME: *lying on floor half dead*

Treat 'Em Like A Lady

I don't know how far the story of 'Roast Busters' has spread. I don't know if anyone outside of NZ has heard this phrase or all that it entails, but for those of you who are currently sitting there with bemused expressions wondering if I am talking about some sort of comedic toasting of the rich and famous, here is the brief outline of what has happened recently in my little ole country:

It came to light a few weeks ago that two teenage boys were running a Facebook page called 'Roast Busters'. This is in reference to roasting a pig on a spit. This will become clear to you later will disgust you. Be warned. These two young men have been, for the last two years (!!!), getting young girls drunk, often under age, and then having group sex with them, filming it,then naming and shaming the girls online (understand the pig reference yet??). There have been some girls who have come forward to the police and have been told that their behavior led to the incident so it was taken no further. It has also come out that one of the young men is a police mans son. No charges have been laid as of yet.

That is the short version. I am cutting out the outrage that has been sparked across the country, the women that have come out speaking against, and for, the young men's actions, and the plethora of comments that have implied, or outright said, that the girls were asking for it by getting drunk. Never mind that sex with a minor if illegal anyway. Never mind that this is coercion. Never mind that the boys involved acted in a despicable manner.

But this is not another rant about that, there are many other people who have said all that and much better than me. I am praying that the outrage will cause some kind of action at a political and legal level.

What I am interested in is how these boys think that what they did was ok?

And this got me to thinking - have we as a society ever taught them any different?

Children in this secular society are brought up being told that each to their own, every body is allowed to believe what they want, act as they want, have their own morality. Our tv shows teach that women are property, that they are sex objects that are only worth the amount of sexual desire they inspire. Porn is now a norm for our teenagers, it is abnormal to find a teenager that hasn't seen porn, and these videos, often violent, show women being degraded and enjoying it and these videos are the first sexual education our children are receiving. Advertising teaches girls that they have to be sexy, dress provocatively, and be cute, rather than smart, to get attention. Tell me which a teenage girl is going to choose book work over a cute boy? Boys are taught to be strong, to go and get what they want, and that "boys will be boys". Girls are sluts if they have sex, boys are legends. Fathers who would kill any boy that comes within ten feet of their daughters will turn around and pat their sons on the back when they lose their virginity.

This is what those two boys were brought up with. And then when they live it out they are destroyed for putting it into practice.

Can we really be that shocked that this has happened? Angry, yes. Disgusted, absolutely. But shocked? And should we be angry at two young boys who are products of their society or at the society which created them? How many 'Roast Busters' have to happen before porn is made illegal and taken off the Internet? How many girls have to be humiliated and destroyed before the legal system becomes victim friendly rather than disbelieving? How many young boys become distorted and destructive men before we wake up and realize that we need to do this very differently?

I don't care what religious persuasion you are, all of us can realize that this behavior destroys our humanity. And it highlights the importance of community, and the responsibility we all have to each other. Where were these girls friends? Parents? Why are their parents silent? Do their parents know? What is happening at home that they will act like this at such young ages? Are the schools aware of at risk teenagers? Are the neighbors? When does it stop becoming 'their issue' and starts becoming OUR children, our country, our world that is being destroyed by this? 

I am so angry at this situation I can't even express it. It makes me feel physically sick. But I am just as sad for the boys as I am for the girls. They have ruined their lives beyond their understanding. They have destroyed something about their humanness by acting in such a way. They have made a country hate them and will, if justice exists, spend time in prison. All because they acted out what they learned.

Maybe boys will be boys because they were never taught to be men...

Temptation and Weakness (or Reverting Back to my 16 year old Self)

Something happened to me last night. It hasn't happened for a long time. It happened in front of a couple of friends. It shocked and worried my husband. It left me broken and disgusted with myself, and embarrassed that I had sunk so low so fast.

What could possibly have happened I hear you ask?

I binged.

I gorged, overate, over-indulged, ate myself sick.

I at pizza and a really yummy dessert and I went totally overboard. And then, after I had gone to bed, I lay there thinking about the left overs in the fridge. So in the morning, for breakfast, I did it again.

I haven't done this is so long that is scared my husband. He was immediately asking me what was wrong, why I was doing this to myself. I ate my concoction of chocolate chips, cream, and flake chocolate and told him that nothing was wrong. I then I felt sick. And my first thought was to purge, something I haven't done in many many years. 

And then I started to think that maybe hubby was seeing something I wasn't, that maybe something was really wrong and I was missing it. 

Food is a drug to me. It has been for as long as I can remember. I have learned to control it somewhat. I no longer binge like I use to (save the last 24 hours) and I eat to maintain my body rather than to find solace or comfort. And so when something like this happens it is like an alcoholic picking up a glass of beer and sculling it. It means that something is very wrong and I really need to start analysing my behaviour.

In the past an episode like that would have spun me out of control. 24 hours would have moved into a week or a month or eating badly and too much. My shame and disgust with myself would feed my addiction and I would have turned to food to cover what my eating had caused. I would have used it as an excuse to continue eating without thought for my health.

This time I did something radically different.

I sat with hubby and talked it out. We discovered that I have been feeling exhausted and stressed. We have moved house this week also and so all our good routines went out the window the last 7 days. We also have taken in a teenager and that change in life has meant many other things have taken a back seat. All of these issues subconsciously triggered a binge of epic proportions that could have undone all my good work in losing weight if I had listened to those around me, namely my husband, telling me I was acting abnormally.

So instead of eating more, or mentally beating myself up, or 101 other destructive things I could have done, I went and had a sleep, then cleaned my fish tank, and ran some errands. I started a weekly menu board for dinners so I am more prepared and more organised in life to bring some routine back into it. And after I have finished this I am going to go for a walk and get some good endorphins flowing.

Life is hard and we slip up.

I wanted to write this to show that I am human, that I fall off the wagon, but it is what we do afterward, how we react to our mistakes, that defines us.

I had a moment. A bad moment. But not a moment that will destroy me or continue any longer. I will listen to those that care about me, take steps to put things in place to stop me falling down again, and move on.

I know I have readers that struggle with their weight, and I know that many of them will relate to this post. What I want you to take away from this is that there is hope, but only in community. There is strength, but only if you first rely and rest on others. There is continuation, but only if you first stop and take stock.

I may have lost this small skirmish, but it will in no way affect the outcome of the war.