The Battle of the Bulge and the Strength of Community.

Ah weight issues, my old nemesis. 

Yet again we meet. 

 I saw you just this morning as I walked passed my mirror and was determined not to acknowledge your presence.

I almost could pretend that you didn't whisper in my ear as I ate a muffin.

I nearly ignored you completely as I tried on a new dress. 

You keep showing your ugly face, your sneer and hateful words are expected and put up with on many days, despite how much I would rather tell you to piss off.

I hate you and you scare me, but for some reason I have put up with you for so many years that I am not sure how I would be without you anymore.

But I am learning.

Last week I stood in front of several groups of people whose eyes told me that they knew you intimately.

In those groups your presence was very much alive and well.

And yet it was in those very places, where I expected you to be strongest, you were at your weakest.

Somehow, as we looked at each other and talked about you, it was there that you failed to have control.

There you were named properly and seen for what you really are; something that can be defeated and controlled.

I saw your influence and at the same time I saw your weakness.

These fighters are not giving up.

I do not fight you alone.'

We shall overcome.

Dear Miley...

Dear Miley,

I have seen lots of posts about you this week. I almost didn't write this as I didn't want to be seen getting on the band wagon and giving more fuel to this fire. But I honestly hope that this finds it's way to you in some miraculous, God-intervention way. Or at least it helps other young woman think.

Because Miley, the press you are getting is not good press. And not all publicity is good publicity. Most people are saying that you have fallen off the rails, are acting in a manner that is unseemly and callous, that you are over sexualising the youth of today etc. 

What I haven't read is anyone talking about you.

You see, I know you because I was you. Yes, I didn't have the cameras and stage lights to pick out my every move and fault. No, no one has ever heard my name or seen it in lights like you. But as I watched you on stage I saw myself five years ago. 

Miley, I grew up until my teenage years the good little innocent Christian girl. Maybe a little more like Hannah Montana. And I grew up with everyone expecting me to turn into the good little innocent christian woman. But I didn't. I couldn't handle the pressure of being perfect and I found drinking, boys, and sex. I started going to clubs when I was only a few years older than you are now. I danced with men the same age as Robin and I danced with them in much the same manner you did on stage. But no one scrutinized me. No one told me what a bad role model I was making. Everyone at the club was acting the same. We just aren't admitting it.

I drank a lot too. I wasn't rich enough for the drugs you say you are into but alcohol was my 'drug of choice'. My favorite songs were ones like you sing, about having fun and no one telling us what to do. I was having fun Miley, I even cut my hair off too, before you made it cool, and went all punk just to show how bad ass I was.

The thing is Miley, I was you. I grew up with girls like you. I have held your hair as you vomited alcohol and bile. I have picked you up from police stations the morning after. I have laughed about our crazy times with you and gone clubbing with you. In fact sometimes it seems that all young 20 something's in my country are you!! 

And yet now, we deny that you are us, that the person dancing is dancing like us, we just do it with the lights down low and where kiddies can't see us. But we love being you and want to be you until you show us who we really are. Then we put our blindfolds on and pretend we never looked in that mirror.

You are not a horrible person. I don't know how you feel about your performance on stage but I know that no one person is to blame for the way one individual acts, especially on stage. Your manager, friends, co-performers, everyone who had anything to do with the performance could have told you to stop. But they didn't, because you, Miley, are their cash cow. They will let you do what you want until their is no more money to be made and then you will be left with one almighty hangover.

But Miley, there is hope for all of us out there who have bought into this shallow version of what it means to have fun and be happy. I found it. Or rather it found me. I had a friend who was brave enough to tell me the truth. Do you have friends like that Miley? For whatever reason, that night I listened to that friend for the first time. I am now five years sober Miley, celebrating my fifth birthday this November. I know you grew up in a Christian home so will roll your eyes at the next part (like I use to with any of these kind of stories) but Jesus found me that night and my life changed.

When I watched your performance I didn't see a young woman come into her own, nor did I see a rebellious girl who is acting out. I didn't see a sexualised teenager or someone with daddy issues. Instead I saw myself and countless other women I know. And it broke my heart for you Miley, it really did.

So if this ever finds its way to you, and I don't care if it is years from now, I need you to know that one person didn't hate you or revile you. One person didn't say you were a disgrace or disgusting. At least one person saw you for what you are - a woman made in the image of God.

(to all people who may know a 'Miley' in their lives, be brave and tell them the truth. Not in anger or disgust but in love. It may change their life. Also feel free to share this with whomever you like and to contact me if you would like advise for you or someone else on getting clean and sober)