The Heart Is Fickle (or Why living by feelings alone is stupid)

I have been noticing a worrying trend growing in Western culture.


It is the idea that we should do what we feel is right, that we should love who we feel we love, and we should follow our feelings in everything we do in life.


I call it "Attack of the Feels" and frankly, it terrifies me.


It may not seem that big of a deal to you, but then you would be feeling that it is ok to do what you feel, rather than using your logic to work this scenario out to its fullest extent.


Before we do that though (and yes, by the end of this I am hoping you will be as scared of feels as I am) let me look at some examples that are currently bombarding our news stories, facebooks, twitters, and all the other media out there (including blogs...woah, inception moment..)


The most obvious one is the "you can't help who you love" argument behind legalising gay marriage etc. (and again I must iterate that I AM NOT A HOMOPHOBE, nor do I think it is wrong that there is a secular understanding of marriage that is open to all people, I just don't think that it is in line with Christian teachings, but I have written other blogs about this so lets all just hold hands, sing Kumbayah and not hate on anyone for thinking differently ok?)


I understand what people are trying to say when they argue "you can't help who you love." They are saying that love is an overwhelming feeling that can hit you right between the eyes, and who does anybody think they are to allow some people the right to feel that and deny it to others?


I get that. Love IS powerful and overwhelming and it does hit people in different ways.


BUT, and here is where it gets tricky, let's follow that line of thinking down the track a wee ways.


This is the same argument that NMBLA uses. NMBLA stands for the National Man-Boy Love Association. It argues for peadophilia being legalised. It is a real thing. They argue that peadophiles can't help who they love - namely, small children - and seeing as paedophilia use to be accepted in ancient Greece and Rome, surely it isn't that bad. Scary thing, this is very similar to arguments used in pro-Gay debates.


The same arguments are also used for polygamous and polyamourous relationships, incest relationships, and even bestiality (the research on this depressed me no end).


THE ISSUE HERE is if you allow this argument for one lot of people, how can it be denied to another? According to some stats, there are more paedophiles per population than there are homosexuals, so are they not allowed a voice? But even if we discount them because it is involving children (just remember the legal age of consent in some countries is twelve, so they are not considered children) are we prepared to permit polygamous relationships? What about marrying yourself (which in some places is legal), does that mean you can apply for benefits for married couples? Where does that leave religious institutions who refuse to marry people in this way? Persecution? Do we open this up to so many different understandings of love that the meaning of what a relationship is completely disappears?


If it is all about how someone 'feels' the laws become open to debate by anyone who feels differently. There is no stability, no way to maintain any law or standard that keeps the understanding of relationships and family in such a way that structures like benefits, legal adoption/guardianship etc make sense.


Another Attack of the Feels is that to do with gender. I recently wrote a blog on this, so I won't go into too much depth, but being able to question your gender because you feel differently than what you are, would not long ago have got you psychiatric help. Now it is seen as a right that anyone has to change their gender and sexual idenitity.


Again, let's follow this through. That means nationality and race come up for question as well. If I feel I am a black man, how is it ok for me to change my gender but not my race? I may identify with black people more than white, and it is about what I feel isn't it? Because if it is not, then what grounds do I have to change my gender?


Religion is also becoming more and more about feels and less about truth. If I tell someone I am a Christian, well that's ok because I am allowed to feel that there is a God and I feel that Jesus was telling the truth. But if I try and tell someone that it is the Truth and that I can intelligently explain why, then that's not cool because how dare I push my faith on someone else when they don't feel that way.


If we follow that to it's logical end, then we will get to a place where there is nothing that is true, no one can claim an objective truth in anything. No law, no court, no statement can be believed as the Truth. No teacher can tell their students that something is true, because what classifies it as true? History? But history is open for interpretation and can be understood differently depending n your race, gender, creed etc. And if we have none of those anymore, then how are we to understand history? And if we cannot trust history, then we cannot trust that it can teach us anything.


So the deeper we get into living off feelings the more and more we HAVE to as we have nothing left to base anything on anymore.


There are many more examples, but just using these three a picture begins to emerge.


It is a picture that is distorted and confused, with no grounding on what is true and right and good.


There is no point to marriage because if I wake up feeling differently one day, the marriage should end ("I love him, I am just not IN love with him"). There is no commitment or loyalty as feelings are fickle and don't work like that.


There is no point in working as if I ever wake up feeling like I don't like my job (everyday...) then I will quit, because again, there is no sense of permanence, loyalty, stick-to-it-ive-ness.


There is no point in families, because even the word family has become so distorted and confused no one knows what it means anymore.


We are left with children who grow up not knowing truth or where to find it.


They will have no understanding of loyalty, permanence, relationships.


They will not understand sex, gender, or sexuality as it will be so fluid that being called a boy or a girl will mean nothing.


They will not understand what it means to be wrong, to be told, "no, you can't do that" or that something is false. None of those words will have any depth or conviction behind them.


Our children will grow into a world that can offer them nothing more permanent than how they feel each minute of everyday.


And what kind of world will children like that build?


God help us all.

Loving My LGBT Neighbour?

I, like everyone else not living under a rock, is aware of the fact that the world is changing in regards to homosexuality. Laws are changing in many countries to allow homosexual couples to marry, decriminalising homosexual lifestyles and basically allowing homosexuals the same rights as their straight counterparts.

However, this isn't the case in other countries. Uganda is one such example. Watch the below video to catch up a little as to what is going on.

This clip is satirical in nature so maybe something a little more serious is in order.

It cannot be denied that to be homosexual in Uganda is somewhat dangerous these days and that this atmosphere of intolerance has been fuelled by extreme views by pastors claiming to be of the Christian persuasion.

So what? I hear you ask. Why do we care? Uganda is all the way over there and we are here and it doesn't affect us. Why don't the homosexuals just go to another country and leave Ugandan's to their ideas?

Well, let me just throw a few things out there for you.

1) This issue has been inflamed by the West stirring things up in Africa. This makes it our problem because it began as our problem.

2) Anything that hurts human rights for any human being should be our business. We are human. We don't like being treated like less human than other people. Therefore we should be really concerned if some people are being treated that way. Just as we now get upset if anyone claims that a black person is less human than a white person (which use to be law just fyi), we should be upset if someone says that a gay person does not deserve the same rights as a straight person. Saying that basically relegates the gay person as less human as the straight person. If you wouldn't like to be treated that way then you should be flipping upset if it is happening to someone else.

3) Why should people be kicked out of their country because they choose to live in a different way with a consenting adult? I am not talking about a crime that is dangerous and hurtful. Homosexuals are not paedophiles or dangerous to anyone. They just want to be treated as a human being who gets to choose their lifestyle. Why should they have to leave for that?

Now I need to state something before I go any further. I am a Christian and I do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle. I don't believe that being Christian and not agreeing with homosexuality goes hand in hand for many people, but for me they are linked. HOWEVER, my gay friends (yes, I do have them) know this and we are able to talk about our opposing views with love and respect. 

My views on homosexuality HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH my views on human rights.

And this is an issue of human rights NOT religion, faith, belief, sexuality or anything like that.

As a Christian, above and beyond everything else, I love God and I love others. 

To love others is to always, no matter the issue, stand with those who are being oppressed. It doesn't matter if they are being oppressed for being a woman, being black, being Muslim, being gay, or being a vegetarian. If someone is being oppressed, if their dignity and worth as a human being is being taken away and/or abused, then it is my duty as a Christian to stand with them, to speak for them, and to fight for them.

What is happening in Uganda to the LBGT community is WRONG. 

It is wrong that people are living in fear because of sexual orientation.

It is wrong that when I watch the above video I am ashamed of the Christians and being associated with them (on another note it is not wrong that I totally proud how Pepe dealt with that awful interview).

It is wrong that when I post pro gay statements on Facebook that I get slammed by Christians who see it as bad that I can support people fighting to be heard as equal human beings.

When Christians speak only about why we stand against homosexuality all we do is paint Christians with the homophobic brush. Everyone is well aware of how we feel about homosexuality by now. I don't think anyone is surprised when a Christian says that they don't agree with that lifestyle. Duh!

But to stand with the LBGT community as they fight for equal rights is something unheard of. It is something that has the potential to bring reconciliation and love between to opposing camps. It has the possibility of showing the love of Christ to those who are all to aware of what we stand against.

So I guess the last reason Uganda should be on our radar is because it is symptomatic of the arguments that are occurring between Christians and LBGT communities. It shows what happens when those conversations become part of law. It shows how hate can be taken to a national scale.

Uganda, if nothing else, should make us pause and think about what our words sound like to those who are LBGT and what impact that may be having on the wider global community.

Swimming in the Gay Debate

I had a comment on my post 'Wadding Into the Gay Debate' that I felt needed it's own blog in order to respond well to it.

The comment went like this:

I'm no theological student and there is still a lot I have to learn. I do know that Jesus called us to love our neighbor. This is a hard issue to tackle. At the end of the day, these people are people who, like anybody else, need GOD. We, Christians are supposed to be His representatives on earth. And I feel what you were saying about them being judged by the very group of people who should be showing them love.. In saying that, I do have a curious question. How would the church teach then in this area and still show love? For people outside of a religious organization, we show love by listening to their stories, by being friends, etc and never really necessarily being put in an uncomfortable spot because we sometimes don't address it. We give them really the freedom to be who they are as friends do. But in a church set-up, how do you think would that look like say for those who think that its alright to carry on or those who have no intentions of changing? Who, like in that blog I have shared with you consider gay christianity an ok thing? What do you think?:)

This person obviously can recognise a sucker for a debate when they see one! I have been thinking about this question since it was raised, to the point where I couldn't write another blog until this one had been formulated and then created. 

The answer to writer's block = find someone who will give you a difficult question that calls to be answered.

First of all, Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss Anonymous, to answer your question I am gonna have to break it down into several different areas (can anyone spot an essay geek?).

First: How do we, as the church, respond to people who are openly LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender/Transsexual)?

The way I worded that is crucial I think for your question about how the church addresses this. You make a distinction in your question between the way we react outside of church and the way we should teach inside of church. This distinction is a wrong and is, I am sad to say, is the way the majority of Christians I know think. There should be NO difference between how we react inside or outside of the building we call our church as it is US who ARE the church and the way we react on the street is teaching people about Christ just as much as the sermon from the pulpit is, if not more so. It is the fact that Christians can act one way and teach another that confuses a lot of people and makes them say that our arguments, whether right or not, are groundless.

However, if you are talking about those that aren't Christian outside of church and how they react with friendship etc then ignore everything I just said haha.

But really, in all seriousness, it is about friendship and love and understanding. It is astounding how much people will let you disagree with them when you actually know them and show them that you care. For example, I have a lesbian couple I know (I have referred to them before, because they are awesome!) that are fully aware that I am not sure where I stand on the whole thing sometimes. They have been known to discuss it with me, joke about it with me, and we even have nicknames for each other based around it (one of them is BD (big dyke) and I am BB (bible basher) lol) and it is all good natured and friendly and helpful! Because I didn't meet them by going "hey, you two lesbians, will you be my friends because I am a Christian trying to convert you", and really we can sound like that sometimes. I don't think it even came up for weeks! They were just who they were and I was who I was and that was that.

The way church should teach is the same way. Just as when you meet an alcoholic (bad analogy but work with me here) you don't say "right, action plan on how to target the alcoholic in the congregation with our sermon so they sober up", neither should we be thinking "how do we subtly convert the lesbians with our words?". Instead think, "hey, newbies at church! Let's make them feel welcome and loved". 

And that leads to the second point: How does the church actually teach on this if there are people following this lifestyle in the congregation?

Harden up.

Seriously.

If churches are willing to preach on lying and gossip and adultery (and no doubt there is some of those going on in any congregation), and the preacher thinks that homosexuality is an important, worthwhile topic that needs addressing, then suck it up, face the fear and preach about it. You will always offend somebody. Jesus didn't get crucified because he made everyone happy.

But that said, is it really a) that big of a deal for your church and b) said in grace and love? 

Sermons and teaching need to be relevant to the congregation in which it is taking place. For example, a sermon on the gospels view of slavery is going to have remarkably different reactions in New Zealand, Afrikaans, and American churches. Known your people. If this is a topic that is coming up over and over again in your congregation then you should address it. If you have a gay couple in your church though and no one else is gay, then would you write a whole sermon to target one other couples perceived issues/sin? No, you wouldn't (or you shouldn't!) because that is basically a form of naming and shaming and how stink is that!

Perhaps it would be wise to take the couple aside (if you are in a position to do so, like being the pastor) and ask them their views, tell them yours (and the churches if there is a unanimous statement) and ask how you can best serve them in this congregation when they may face opposing, and sometimes angry, opinions. Ask if they are prepared for that, if they aware of the stance. And do this all with LOVE and GRACE and a genuine desire to reach out and help them.

Ask if there are children involved, if this is a family situation, and how you can support their children in their faith as well. Remember, if you are willing to do a sermon on why they shouldn't be gay, then you better follow up on one about divorce because that is what you may essentially be asking them to do and so where do you stand on that? What will you do if it means tearing apart their family and the impact that it will have on children?

Be wise. Always be loving. Don't name and shame, and think about the consequences of your words.

Thirdly: How do we react if there is no desire to change?

I have a question to ask you first:

Are you willing to change everything that God might not like about what you do?

Everything?

Even the things you like to do?

I can't say I am! It was kicking and screaming that I gave up drinking, pre-marital sex and smoking! It is not easy!

But the wonderful thing, the amazing thing, is that this isn't your responsibility!!

Let me say that again:

Them changing is not your responsibility.

God is the one who created them.

God is the one who knows them.

God was there when they first decided to come out and the reasons for that.

God knows the love they have for each other.

God knows what is in their hearts.

God knows their hurts and fears.

God died for them.

God loves them.

God SAVED them.

It is GOD who will work in them and (if necessary)

It is God who will change them.

Not you.

Never you.

All God asks us to do is to love. To love deeply and honestly and openly. And out of that love, who knows! But that is not your call. It never was.

The church should not be in the business of changing people. It is just in the business of pointing people to the one who can. 

And that person is pretty on to it.

I think it is safe in their hands.

Wadding into the Gay Debate

Maybe I am stupid, or just love controversy, but I cannot let this new bill on gay marriage come and go without saying my piece on it.

Just to qualify my knowledge on this subject (because you shouldn't give your opinion without first doing the research) I have studied the Biblical reference for/against homosexuality. I also have gay friends, single and in relationships, christian and not, that I have asked very open and searching questions of. I have also had my own struggles with sexuality and have struggled/experienced (depending on your viewpoint) various bisexual tendencies for years. I have made the choice not to act on those desires (and in my case they were not strong enough for me to feel I didn't have that choice) but I cannot deny that they are there and they are something that I actively pray about and talk to my husband about.

I have at different times hated my desires and wanted to embrace them.

I chose not to follow through due to my understanding of where they are came from for me (direct link to my fear of men due to sexual abuse) and because of my understanding of God's word.

However, I acknowledge for many people it is not just as simple as deciding not to. For many people this is a heartbreaking issue. To them, if they are Christian, it can mean directly going against what you believe God teaches, or facing not having a close intimate relationship ever, EVER, in your life.

I am lucky. I have a husband who loves me, who I can be honest with, and who I get to share life with. If someone now told me that I couldn't have what is the most amazing love I have ever experienced in person (barring God of course) because somehow what it beautiful is actually sinful, I would be confused, hurt, angry and devastated. I would fight against them with all my being to keep the person closest to me next to me.

I admit that I very rarely admit to my sexual desires to many people as in my circles there tends to be awkward silences and confusion that follows. But I feel I must speak out on behalf of those who can't, who feel to judged to.

This issue is really hard for me and my husband to figure out. 

We are both theological students and love God and the Bible and are prepared to follow it's statutes and example. But with this one it is so difficult when there is so little clear discussion. 

We have a lesbian couple that are friends of mine, who love Jesus (but don't go to church as they get looked down upon and get a lot of crap) and, when you hear their stories, it is totally understandable why they are with each other and not with men. 

They are so excited about getting married in the eyes of God and showing the decade long love they have had for each other publicly. 

They have supported and loved each other through so much and been so strong for each other.  How do I then stand for something that would tell them that their love is wrong (when it is beautiful) that if they want to be with each other then they can't get married, or that they can't do it within their faith? 

To be frank, I am so confused by the issue that this is raising in NZ at the moment.

I know that the bill that is before parliament is to change the definition of marriage (1 man and 1 woman) to be more inclusive of those who are in LG relationships (1 adult with another consenting adult).

I understand that this has caused a huge amount of consternation within churches as they struggle to come up with agreements as a whole denomination as to where they stand on marrying LG couples in their churches.

I get that this is an issue for Christians as they try to figure out where they stand and what they will do with the bible verses that are opposed to homosexuality in any form. And I agree that this is something that we need to grapple with, question and research as it is helpful for our faith and understanding. Maybe this will drive Christians back to actually reading their bibles!

What I don't understand is how we, as a minority in NZ, can have the audacity to try and dictate to the rest of the NZ public how they should practice and define marriage!

Sure, don't marry homosexual couples in your church if you don't agree with it! There is still that option in the NZ law.

Sure, don't have homosexual friends or go to their weddings if you are that opposed, that is your right and choice.

But how can we say that people who may not even BELIEVE in God must live by the statutes of God. Even Paul says that those who live outside the law are not to be judged by the standards of the law.

And are we meant to be living by the law anyway? Are not couples who feel ostracized and alienated from the religious in churches the very people that Jesus would have sat with, eaten with, and gone to the marriage celebrations of?

Would he not have walked with them in their demonstrations to be recognized?

Would he have agreed with them? I don't know. What I do know is he didn't agree with the prostitutes, tax collectors, and others that he hung out with everyday.

He extravagantly loved those that were put down and hurt, even when out of that hurt continued to hurt themselves and others.

We are facing a choice on how we act towards this situation and I have to say that my heart is breaking for both sides as I know that all parties in this debate are trying to do what it best. But maybe it is time for Christians to accept that this is not a Christian nation and we cannot make it that by trying to impose how we believe others should or should not live.

Please feel free to disagree but be warned, any response that is not directed in grace and love towards others will not be tolerated on this blog.