Jesus is NOT all I need

One year has ended and another has begun. For many people, a new year signifies new life, new hope, new dreams and goals. For others it is a reminder of things now gone, loves lost, and the struggle that is awaiting them.

For me this new year feels different from others. My birthday is new years eve and usually this means that there is fun, presents, and all the good stuff of birthday's, as well as the joy of being on holiday and also getting to celebrate the turn of the year with everyone on the same day. It is usually a great time.

This year, not so much. Not because anything really changed around me - I still got presents and all that - but because I feel different about it. Maybe it was because I was working for the first time ever on my birthday and now also on New Years Day. Maybe that made it feel just like another day rather than anything special like years past.

Or maybe it was because I am now in my 30's. Last year I turned 30, which is always a big celebration, but this year I am 31. No big celebration around that, I have just officially become a 30-something year old. This has triggered a small emotional crisis for me for several reasons:

1. I am in my 30's but my husband is still under 25. Now we have different numbers at the start of our ages it seems like such a bigger age gap than before. I feel like telling people our ages now will get even more of a reaction than it has before.

2. I still feel 24! Maybe it is because I am at the same level as my hubby, but I feel his age rather than mine. The fact that I also became sober around 23/24 after drinking since 15 means that I have developed slower emotionally than others my age - this is a proven thing that happens to addicts - and the fact that for many years I was mentally unwell means that I feel those years are missing and in my memories I am much younger than I feel. Or maybe everyone feels this way when they get older...who knows!

3. For some reason leading up to 30 feels like you are still growing up. Birthdays are still exciting and  you are still considered young. Now it feels like birthdays are less about growing up and more about getting older. Maybe popular culture has sold me the idea that it is all down hill after 30, because now it feels like it is all downhill from here.

4. I don't feel like I have accomplished as much as others my age. I have a friend who I have known for pretty much all my life. She is a trained lawyer, has a house, several investment properties, a husband, 2 kids, and a dog. I have a husband......and that is it. I am not in the job I trained for, have no kids, don't own a house, etc. Though I know I shouldn't compare my life to others - as I have gone through things that she hasn't and vice versa - it makes me feel like I should've done more.

Perhaps these are common things for people to feel as they get older, and I certainly hope I am not the only one who feels this way! Or maybe the year Luke and I have had has put me in a melancholic mood. 

We have had a tough year emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. We have moved cities, jobs, houses, churches. We have been in traffic accidents, faced the mortality of loved ones, struggled with our own health issues, and tried to understand God in the midst of suffering. It has been the toughest year we have faced as a couple, and we are both glad that it is over and a New Year has begun.

In the midst of all of what we have been going through, one thought has been playing around in my mind. It was spawned by listening to a Christian radio station and hearing so many songs about how Jesus is all I need. The songs basically all say, no matter what, no matter how crappy life is, Jesus is really all we need, ever.

Though these sentiments are probably helpful for many people, I find them somewhat difficult. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life but not even he said that he is the only thing we ever need. He said we cannot live on bread alone, but need the Word of God, and that he is the Water of Life and those who drink from him will never be thirsty, but did he mean that he was all we need for every situation?

I would argue that no, he is not. Because Jesus himself commanded us to love God with all our heart, mind and strength, and to love others as we love ourselves. Jesus can't be all we need because we are made to be in relationship with others. You can have a great relationship with Jesus and he can be your solace in times of pain, but without other people you are still lonely. You are not being fully human to only rely on Jesus for all your emotional needs.

God created us to be together. Even when he created Adam, who was in perfect relationship with God and walked and talked with God, God saw that humans should not be alone. It is only in relationship with others and with God that we are complete. Yes, these relationships are distorted in a fallen creation, and yes, these relationships can draw us away from God if we let them, but they can also bring us closer to God through our love for others and their love for us.

If we begin to face hard times with the belief that Jesus is all we need, then we do ourselves and others a disservice. We do not allow others to minister to us, to show Jesus to us in our hurt, and we also do not allow others to see God at work in our weakness. By blocking out others as something we need, then we block out an aspect of God at work in our lives also. Faith then becomes about the individual and not about the church; about how I feel about God, and not about the witness of others; about my personal relationship with Jesus at the expense of vulnerability and humility in our communities.

I have had a tough year, and I am going through an emotional crisis, but it is my relationship with others and with God that helps me get through these things. It is in my dark moments, when I am incapable of feeling the love of Christ because of my pain, that it is the love of others that ministers to me. It is through their words, their actions, and their care of me that I see and hear God. It is also when they tell me off or tell me I am not listening to God properly because of my pain that I realise that God himself is speaking to me. As iron sharpens iron, so the members of the church sharpen each other. 

So next time you are thinking God is all you need, look at what God says about that. Love one another as Christ loved the church. Lay down your life for each other, carry each others burdens, feel each others pain, and minister to the weak, wounded and hurting around you, and let others do the same for you. We are the bride of Christ and need each other just as much as we need our Saviour.

Jesus and the church are what I need.

A Mother to Hold

Mother's day is coming up fast in New Zealand. It is a time of families celebrating the woman who brought them into the world. Churches around the country will be holding special services that have children handing out gifts to mothers and a sermon focusing on someone like Mary, the mother of Christ.

There is a lot of stuff around mothers happening around me at the moment. My new niece was born a few days ago. Many of my friends are pregnant and giving birth. My mother in law is battling cancer so my thoughts are with her a lot. Hubby and I are thinking about babies and when to start trying for them.

Mothers have such an impact on our lives, for good or bad.

And recently I have been missing my mum.

I have talked briefly about my breakdown in relationship with my parents without giving too many details. I don't think this is the place to vent my issues with them. But suffice to say that it is coming up three years since I have seen or had any contact with either my mother or father.

I love my parents deeply, we just have some issues that we can seem to sort out.

Every month or something hits me that makes me miss my mother like crazy.

This month it is mothers day.

It makes my heart hurt when I think about her. I feel empty and lost, like a part of me is missing. I wish that things could be different and we could talk about things but life is not like that. Things happen.

The thing I have been thinking about is around all of this.

Mother's day was created by a card company that wanted to make profit. The church in NZ has bought into it hook line and sinker. And though I admire the sentiment I think it is wrong.

It is wrong to have one day alone when we celebrate mothers. I think it is wrong because it puts pressure on all those people who don't have mothers, can't be mothers, or have issues with their mothers. It affectively isolates those who are already hurting by pushing in their face what they don't have.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to push my misery on everyone but being a grinch about mothers day. I am all for celebrating mothers. But I don't think that the church, a place that is (or should be) full of broken and hurting people, should be focusing on this topic when the rest of society already does.

I mean let's face it, if my church doesn't do mothers day, I am not exactly going to miss it am I. It is all over TV, shop windows, and magazines. I would have to live in a cave to miss the sales that are being pushed in my face to buy my mother things like diamond rings and dishwashers. 

Kids will still be able to get cards for their mums, make them breakfast in bed, and show love to the special woman in their life.

But church? Church should be at least one place where people can find solace for their pain. That on a day that might be really hard for people there is a place where they can go and not have it shoved in their face. Where grief is acknowledged as much as joy.

But the church doesn't do grief well. We don't know how to lament with others. Church songs tend to focus on how happy we are that Jesus has saved us, rather than the pain of still living in a fallen world. We emphasise one and totally ignore the other.

In the last 24 hours I have talked to three women who find mothers day hard. One cannot have children, one doesn't have children yet but really wants them, and one whose mother has passed. Each of these women go to church and each them told me how they would avoid church on mother's day. 

There is something wrong when the people who are hurting are avoiding church in order to avoid more pain.

It's time to rethink how we do this in such a way that we don't diminish the joy but don't ignore the pain either.

2 Years On...Have I Learned Anything?

My husband and I just celebrated 2 years of marriage.

We met when we were both students with no responsibilities or commitments to speak of.

Nawww...look at us, so CUTE!!!!

Now he is working, I am studying (still), and we are looking after a teenager! Things have changed somewhat in the last two years. 

So I decided to do my top 5 things I have learned from being married to this amazing man...

5. The joy of Turtles, Butts, and Limpets.

Yes you read that right.

All of these three things have one thing in common: they are all nicknames that hubby and I use for each other. Kinda gooey and gross I know but we have a lot of fun with our nicknames. Turtle can become turtlebutt, or turtle limpet, or turtlelimpetbutt etc. I have no idea why this started. I know the first one was me calling him sweet cheeks (and not because of his smile wink wink, nudge nudge) but from then on in, it took on a life of it's own.

In fact, I am not sure I can remember the last time I actually used in name properly without any add ons or funny accents or anything. And I love it! It makes us laugh, keeps us from getting to serious with each other, and when you are angry with someone how can you not laugh when they are calling you a funny name to make you smile???

Look at that ass....


4. Dates to the Supermarket

If you have ever been a student you will know how hard it is to stretch the budget for anything other than the essentials. So for hubby and I, since day one of our relationship, actual dates have been out of the question for the most part.

So where do you go when you can't afford to go anywhere?

TO THE SUPERMARKET!!!

No jokes, one of my fav things still to do with hubby is just go and do the weekly shop with him. He may not feel that connected to our shopping adventures, but I feel like they give us time to slow down, pick little things out that we know each other likes, and a chance to talk about nothing much. When I don't do the shopping with him I find it stressful and icky. But doing it with him reminds me of when we were first dating, holding hands around everywhere because we couldn't get enough of each other, and choosing presents for each other.

Love in the vegetable aisle!


3. The Mundanity of Life

I love doing nothing with hubby. Seriously. As I write this we are sitting on different couches on our separate computers doing our separate things. But every five minutes or so he will look at me and say "I love you" or pull a funny face, or sing a line from a song, or 101 other weird things that he does that make me feel so loved. He also has this habit of getting up every once in a while just to kiss me, or reaching out with a hand or foot so he can touch me, even just for a second. I know he sounds too cutesy to be real, but it is true!

And I love it. I love doing the laundry with him and laughing as he pretends to get lost in the washing that is hanging on the line. Or cooking dinner and having him come up behind me to hug me and kiss my ear. Or cleaning the house and watching him rage over the vacuum cleaner. All these little things make life that much more amazing.

It's the little things....


2. The world's cheapest bouquets

One of my most favourite things are the flowers that hubby gets me.

He doesn't buy them.

He picks them.

Yup, this man is so perfect that he goes out of his way to look for pretty flowers to pick for me.

In fact, the other night, on our anniversary, we couldn't afford to go out and do anything special, so my man faked a phone call, went outside, found different kinds of flowers, and brought them back for me.

Now some people will say that is cheap. But for a girl like me who had never really been given flowers before in her life, the fact that he thinks of such things makes me go all gooey inside. That he wants to go out of his way like that for me, or that he would see a pretty flower and think of me. I don't know if it would be better if he had spent heaps of money on a flash bouquet. To me, his ones are perfect.

If they are good enough for God...


1. CUDDLES!!!!

My absolutely number 1 favourite thing of all time is getting to go to bed with my hubby and lie in his arms as we talk about our day. It is the place I feel safest and most at home and most loved. I love it when we are falling asleep and he rolls over to snuggle into my back. Or when he randomly grabs me and hugs me during the day. And I like it when things progress to the 'special cuddle' too :P

My man is definitely a lovey dovey kinda guy and it has taught me to be as well. He commented the other day that in the last two years I have become so much more relaxed and carefree. And he is right. I have. And it is thanks to having someone who makes me laugh all the time.

Two years is not a long time but it has been long enough for me to realise that there is such a thing as joy in life. It has shown me that even when stresses happen (and believe me, the last two years we have had our fair share) that they pale in comparison to the fun and happiness that can come from just letting yourself be a little bit silly and letting yourself be loved.

So Turtlebum, happy anniversary. I love you xxxx