Jesus is NOT all I need

One year has ended and another has begun. For many people, a new year signifies new life, new hope, new dreams and goals. For others it is a reminder of things now gone, loves lost, and the struggle that is awaiting them.

For me this new year feels different from others. My birthday is new years eve and usually this means that there is fun, presents, and all the good stuff of birthday's, as well as the joy of being on holiday and also getting to celebrate the turn of the year with everyone on the same day. It is usually a great time.

This year, not so much. Not because anything really changed around me - I still got presents and all that - but because I feel different about it. Maybe it was because I was working for the first time ever on my birthday and now also on New Years Day. Maybe that made it feel just like another day rather than anything special like years past.

Or maybe it was because I am now in my 30's. Last year I turned 30, which is always a big celebration, but this year I am 31. No big celebration around that, I have just officially become a 30-something year old. This has triggered a small emotional crisis for me for several reasons:

1. I am in my 30's but my husband is still under 25. Now we have different numbers at the start of our ages it seems like such a bigger age gap than before. I feel like telling people our ages now will get even more of a reaction than it has before.

2. I still feel 24! Maybe it is because I am at the same level as my hubby, but I feel his age rather than mine. The fact that I also became sober around 23/24 after drinking since 15 means that I have developed slower emotionally than others my age - this is a proven thing that happens to addicts - and the fact that for many years I was mentally unwell means that I feel those years are missing and in my memories I am much younger than I feel. Or maybe everyone feels this way when they get older...who knows!

3. For some reason leading up to 30 feels like you are still growing up. Birthdays are still exciting and  you are still considered young. Now it feels like birthdays are less about growing up and more about getting older. Maybe popular culture has sold me the idea that it is all down hill after 30, because now it feels like it is all downhill from here.

4. I don't feel like I have accomplished as much as others my age. I have a friend who I have known for pretty much all my life. She is a trained lawyer, has a house, several investment properties, a husband, 2 kids, and a dog. I have a husband......and that is it. I am not in the job I trained for, have no kids, don't own a house, etc. Though I know I shouldn't compare my life to others - as I have gone through things that she hasn't and vice versa - it makes me feel like I should've done more.

Perhaps these are common things for people to feel as they get older, and I certainly hope I am not the only one who feels this way! Or maybe the year Luke and I have had has put me in a melancholic mood. 

We have had a tough year emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. We have moved cities, jobs, houses, churches. We have been in traffic accidents, faced the mortality of loved ones, struggled with our own health issues, and tried to understand God in the midst of suffering. It has been the toughest year we have faced as a couple, and we are both glad that it is over and a New Year has begun.

In the midst of all of what we have been going through, one thought has been playing around in my mind. It was spawned by listening to a Christian radio station and hearing so many songs about how Jesus is all I need. The songs basically all say, no matter what, no matter how crappy life is, Jesus is really all we need, ever.

Though these sentiments are probably helpful for many people, I find them somewhat difficult. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life but not even he said that he is the only thing we ever need. He said we cannot live on bread alone, but need the Word of God, and that he is the Water of Life and those who drink from him will never be thirsty, but did he mean that he was all we need for every situation?

I would argue that no, he is not. Because Jesus himself commanded us to love God with all our heart, mind and strength, and to love others as we love ourselves. Jesus can't be all we need because we are made to be in relationship with others. You can have a great relationship with Jesus and he can be your solace in times of pain, but without other people you are still lonely. You are not being fully human to only rely on Jesus for all your emotional needs.

God created us to be together. Even when he created Adam, who was in perfect relationship with God and walked and talked with God, God saw that humans should not be alone. It is only in relationship with others and with God that we are complete. Yes, these relationships are distorted in a fallen creation, and yes, these relationships can draw us away from God if we let them, but they can also bring us closer to God through our love for others and their love for us.

If we begin to face hard times with the belief that Jesus is all we need, then we do ourselves and others a disservice. We do not allow others to minister to us, to show Jesus to us in our hurt, and we also do not allow others to see God at work in our weakness. By blocking out others as something we need, then we block out an aspect of God at work in our lives also. Faith then becomes about the individual and not about the church; about how I feel about God, and not about the witness of others; about my personal relationship with Jesus at the expense of vulnerability and humility in our communities.

I have had a tough year, and I am going through an emotional crisis, but it is my relationship with others and with God that helps me get through these things. It is in my dark moments, when I am incapable of feeling the love of Christ because of my pain, that it is the love of others that ministers to me. It is through their words, their actions, and their care of me that I see and hear God. It is also when they tell me off or tell me I am not listening to God properly because of my pain that I realise that God himself is speaking to me. As iron sharpens iron, so the members of the church sharpen each other. 

So next time you are thinking God is all you need, look at what God says about that. Love one another as Christ loved the church. Lay down your life for each other, carry each others burdens, feel each others pain, and minister to the weak, wounded and hurting around you, and let others do the same for you. We are the bride of Christ and need each other just as much as we need our Saviour.

Jesus and the church are what I need.

Trudging when you want to Fly

I have this amazing friend who I love a lot. She and I are very similar in some ways and in others are completely the opposite. We use to live next door to each other and would see each other all the time for coffee and catch ups, but now we are in different cities and I miss seeing her and being able to chew the fat.

She is an incredibly talented and passionate woman, but she suffers from a debilitating illness. It is one of those illnesses that doesn't show on the outside so often people don't realise that is just a struggle for her to get out of bed some days. If she does make it out of bed, that is an epic win! But she doesn't feel like that. She feels like she is trudging when all she wants to do is fly.

Her and I were talking about it about it last night, and I really feel like I know where she is coming from. I too feel like I am just doing the daily trudge at the moment. Though I do not have an illness as severe as hers, I do get migraines that throw out my plans. I have to watch how much I do, how often I rest, and when I take my medication. I feel like my life is dictated by me head.

I also know how she is feeling when she asks me what God has planned for her and how it is possible. I sometimes feel like I have done all this study and research and now I am not using it or working in the field I am most passionate. I feel like I just live from day to day waiting for the opportunity to do something else, something more.

Our experience of church is very much dictated by our experiences of life; we both find it a struggle to go to church. We find it hard to do small talk with people who don't really know how we are struggling silently. We find the music often contrite and dishonest to how we are feeling. We can find the sermons boring and/or rip them apart mentally due to our theological training. So we tend to avoid church, or go very unwillingly.

We are trudging, but oh how we want to fly.

During these times it is the story of Joseph that really sustains me. If you know the story, fell free to let your mind wander as I summarize it for those who do not.

Joseph was the second youngest of 12 brothers. Though usually the eldest brother was the most loved, the most favoured, but Joseph, the first child of two children from the favourite wife of Jacob, was the most loved by his father. We was doted on and, frankly, was a little spoiled and outspoken to boot. He annoyed his brothers by telling the of dreams he had where his whole family would bow down to him. In a fit of rage, the brothers took Joseph, intending to kill him. Instead, they sold him to slavers that then took the young boy to Egypt to sell. He was sold to Potiphar, an important man, and he worked hard to please his master. However, his master's wife took a little too much of a liking to him and, when he didn't reciprocate, falsely accused Joseph of rape. Joseph languished in prison for 14 years, working hard and earning the respect of the guards of the prison in the process. When fate brought two men of Pharaoh's household to the prison, Joseph was given the opportunity to interpret their dreams and, in the process, asked them to remember him to Pharaoh. The dreams came to pass as he said, with one man being killed and the other being reinstated in his former position. It was another two years before Pharaoh had a dream and the reinstated man remembered his promise to Joseph. He told Pharaoh about the now fully grown man, and Joseph was released to interpret the Pharaoh's dream. He did so correctly, thorugh the Spirit of God, and was made second only to Pharaoh in all of Egypt. Eventually a famine struck the land for 7 years and Joseph's brothers were needing food. They went to Egypt to ask for grain from Joseph, who had been preparing for the famine for years after being warned in Paroah's dream. It was then that the dreams of seeing his family bow before him were fulfilled. Joseph forgave his brothers and brought his whole family to Egypt and died an important, wealthy and loved man.

That was a very brief explanation of the story. If you want more look it up in Genesis and have a read. It is worth it.

Anyway, back to my point.

It was 16 years before Joseph was set free. He didn't know if he would ever get out of prison alive. He didn't know what the plan was or how God would get him out of it all. He had a terrible experience as a child and now he was locked away for something he didn't do.

If I was Joseph I would have despaired. There seemed to be no hope, no light at the end of the tunnel, no justice.

Even though the story doesn't end that way, it is this part I want to focus on. The part where for 16 years Joseph trudged through everyday in prison.

He had dreamed he could fly, and was made to trudge with no end insight.

But it was he did in prison that impresses me so much. He worked so hard and so faithfully that the head of the prison made him his right hand man. He was put in charge of other prisoners and earned the respect of both them and the people paid to keep him locked up. He didn't give up, he just found another way to serve God.

This challenges me. So often I ask God what his plan is for my life and when will it come to fruition. But really, all God calls us to is to live faithfully in loving him and loving others where ever we find ourselves. 

Whether we are trudging or flying, our purpose is the same. Whether we feel defeated or elated, our response to God and to others is meant to be the same. We are meant to live faithfully in love. Maybe our circumstances will change, maybe they won't, but that should not determine how we live or what God is asking from us.

We may feel like we are trudging, but it is living out our faith in Jesus that brings us to flight, whether we feel it or not.

Remember that it is the sacrifice and love of God that makes us fly, not what we do or where we are headed. We may feel like we are in a prison and that we will be in it for life, but it is how we live and how we respond to God that will define us.

I look back at the last ten years of my life and see how far I have come, even though most of it has felt like one long trudging slog. I remember that this time a decade ago I was in an abusive marriage, was alcohol dependent, was in and out of psych wards and suicidal. Today, I am loved, happy, healed, and 7 years sober. It was a long hard walk, but I am flying, whether I feel it today or not. God's work in our lives is not dependent on our feeling it. However, it is our hope in God that keeps us going everyday.

You may continue to trudge, but remember that it is our hope that makes us fly.

Ambitious Christianity

This week I said goodbye to my mentor and friend, Dr. Rod Thompson. After 12 years in this fine country, and 5 as principal of Laidlaw College, Rod and his lovely wife Rosie are heading back over the ditch to Sydney to start a new chapter in their lives.

I have been privileged enough to call this man my friend. He has been an unwavering support to me as I have struggled and fought my way through the past years. He was always there to turn to, to seek advise from, and to be admonished by (when necessary). In many ways Rod and Rosie have been surrogate parents to me over the last five years and I will miss them terribly.

I was fortunate enough to get two precious days with them before they headed Sydney-side. They are extremely busy people yet they still made time to come spend a weekend with us (and spoil us rotten in the process) and I basked in the moments I had to absorb Rod's wisdom...who knows when the next time will be.

One of the things I have always admired about Rod is his unassuming manner. He never makes you feel like he has accomplished more than you (though he has), that he is better than you at theology (though he is), or that he wants anything more than to share in your triumphs and your suffering (which he does). He and Rosie are two of the most loving people I have ever met.

So how does a man who appears to place no value in position ever get to be the principal of New Zealand's foremost Christian theological college? How does someone who appears to have no ambition climb the ladder so high?

Before I answer that question, let me deviate for a moment and turn back to what this whole blog is essentially about.....me!

I am a very competitive person. I may hide it well behind jokes and laughter, but I have always been out to win, be the best, take no prisoners.

There are people who won't play board games with me anymore because I can get....let's say a little enthusiastic. It's also why I don't like team sports much; I always hated having to rely on other people to win.

This competitiveness also drives my ambition. It is why I started my own business at 30 rather than going on a benefit when I had no work. It is what drove me to finish my Masters thesis (and what made me cry when I didn't get the mark I wanted). It is what keeps me motivated when it seems all my dreams will take years to accomplish.

But I have always felt that ambition is largely looked down upon within church circles. It is OK to be ambitious, as long as you don't bring it to church. If you say you want to be the best preacher, best song writer, best pastor, then people look away almost embarrassed.

I asked Rod about it this weekend. I asked him if it was wrong to be an ambitious Christian. Was it wrong to want something and to strive for it? Was it bad to want to be the best at something?

I was expecting him to say "yes, it is bad." Instead, he once again blew my mind.

"No," said Rod, "as long as it is not ambition for ambition sake."

What he was saying was that I had to check my motives. Why did I want to be the best? Was it because I needed other's approval? Was it because I wanted to lord it over other people? Was it so I could check the boxes and mentally congratulate myself?

Or was it because I was trying to do the best with what had been given me?

I know what it is to not be able to do what I wish I could. I know what it is to have my mind not work well enough to do anything.

So now, I really really want to do the best with what I received back. I want to honour God by doing the best that I absolutely can.

I don't care if I get rich along the way. I don't care if other people like what I do. I don't even care if I make it to my goals.....well, maybe I care about that.

But I do care about being lukewarm, so half-hearted and humdrum. I care about what I will say when I meet my maker and have to give account for my life. I want to say that I did my best, I tried my hardest, I didn't give an inch, and I worked towards the dreams that I placed before my God.

I believe that Rod got the jobs that he did because he always placed God first and did his best to bring glory to his Creator. He tried hard with what had been given to him because that is the only response to a grace that gives freely. It is the only response in the face of a world where so many people do not get the opportunities we do. The only response to overwhelming love is to love with everything we have.

If that is ambition, then I am ambitious.

And I am OK with that.

The Heart Is Fickle (or Why living by feelings alone is stupid)

I have been noticing a worrying trend growing in Western culture.


It is the idea that we should do what we feel is right, that we should love who we feel we love, and we should follow our feelings in everything we do in life.


I call it "Attack of the Feels" and frankly, it terrifies me.


It may not seem that big of a deal to you, but then you would be feeling that it is ok to do what you feel, rather than using your logic to work this scenario out to its fullest extent.


Before we do that though (and yes, by the end of this I am hoping you will be as scared of feels as I am) let me look at some examples that are currently bombarding our news stories, facebooks, twitters, and all the other media out there (including blogs...woah, inception moment..)


The most obvious one is the "you can't help who you love" argument behind legalising gay marriage etc. (and again I must iterate that I AM NOT A HOMOPHOBE, nor do I think it is wrong that there is a secular understanding of marriage that is open to all people, I just don't think that it is in line with Christian teachings, but I have written other blogs about this so lets all just hold hands, sing Kumbayah and not hate on anyone for thinking differently ok?)


I understand what people are trying to say when they argue "you can't help who you love." They are saying that love is an overwhelming feeling that can hit you right between the eyes, and who does anybody think they are to allow some people the right to feel that and deny it to others?


I get that. Love IS powerful and overwhelming and it does hit people in different ways.


BUT, and here is where it gets tricky, let's follow that line of thinking down the track a wee ways.


This is the same argument that NMBLA uses. NMBLA stands for the National Man-Boy Love Association. It argues for peadophilia being legalised. It is a real thing. They argue that peadophiles can't help who they love - namely, small children - and seeing as paedophilia use to be accepted in ancient Greece and Rome, surely it isn't that bad. Scary thing, this is very similar to arguments used in pro-Gay debates.


The same arguments are also used for polygamous and polyamourous relationships, incest relationships, and even bestiality (the research on this depressed me no end).


THE ISSUE HERE is if you allow this argument for one lot of people, how can it be denied to another? According to some stats, there are more paedophiles per population than there are homosexuals, so are they not allowed a voice? But even if we discount them because it is involving children (just remember the legal age of consent in some countries is twelve, so they are not considered children) are we prepared to permit polygamous relationships? What about marrying yourself (which in some places is legal), does that mean you can apply for benefits for married couples? Where does that leave religious institutions who refuse to marry people in this way? Persecution? Do we open this up to so many different understandings of love that the meaning of what a relationship is completely disappears?


If it is all about how someone 'feels' the laws become open to debate by anyone who feels differently. There is no stability, no way to maintain any law or standard that keeps the understanding of relationships and family in such a way that structures like benefits, legal adoption/guardianship etc make sense.


Another Attack of the Feels is that to do with gender. I recently wrote a blog on this, so I won't go into too much depth, but being able to question your gender because you feel differently than what you are, would not long ago have got you psychiatric help. Now it is seen as a right that anyone has to change their gender and sexual idenitity.


Again, let's follow this through. That means nationality and race come up for question as well. If I feel I am a black man, how is it ok for me to change my gender but not my race? I may identify with black people more than white, and it is about what I feel isn't it? Because if it is not, then what grounds do I have to change my gender?


Religion is also becoming more and more about feels and less about truth. If I tell someone I am a Christian, well that's ok because I am allowed to feel that there is a God and I feel that Jesus was telling the truth. But if I try and tell someone that it is the Truth and that I can intelligently explain why, then that's not cool because how dare I push my faith on someone else when they don't feel that way.


If we follow that to it's logical end, then we will get to a place where there is nothing that is true, no one can claim an objective truth in anything. No law, no court, no statement can be believed as the Truth. No teacher can tell their students that something is true, because what classifies it as true? History? But history is open for interpretation and can be understood differently depending n your race, gender, creed etc. And if we have none of those anymore, then how are we to understand history? And if we cannot trust history, then we cannot trust that it can teach us anything.


So the deeper we get into living off feelings the more and more we HAVE to as we have nothing left to base anything on anymore.


There are many more examples, but just using these three a picture begins to emerge.


It is a picture that is distorted and confused, with no grounding on what is true and right and good.


There is no point to marriage because if I wake up feeling differently one day, the marriage should end ("I love him, I am just not IN love with him"). There is no commitment or loyalty as feelings are fickle and don't work like that.


There is no point in working as if I ever wake up feeling like I don't like my job (everyday...) then I will quit, because again, there is no sense of permanence, loyalty, stick-to-it-ive-ness.


There is no point in families, because even the word family has become so distorted and confused no one knows what it means anymore.


We are left with children who grow up not knowing truth or where to find it.


They will have no understanding of loyalty, permanence, relationships.


They will not understand sex, gender, or sexuality as it will be so fluid that being called a boy or a girl will mean nothing.


They will not understand what it means to be wrong, to be told, "no, you can't do that" or that something is false. None of those words will have any depth or conviction behind them.


Our children will grow into a world that can offer them nothing more permanent than how they feel each minute of everyday.


And what kind of world will children like that build?


God help us all.

Will we now abuse the abuser?

Hubby and I finally managed to get our act together and have officially moved cities. After an eventful move that included our truck tipping over on the motorway and our car getting stolen, we arrived in one place, found jobs, bought a new car, and have got ourselves a house. All that is left is the final unpack, buying a kitten or two (because...KITTENS), and finally sitting in our own home with a nice cold glass of something and curling up into the foetal position until the next time someone

needs us.

I have moved many times before, including moving cities on four separate occasions, so I thought I knew how this all went, and wasn't too worried about anything going wrong. 

Boy, was I wrong on that!

Everything that could possibly go wrong did. Though no one got hurt, the mental and emotional stress that we have been under is insane. Today, after we signed the contract for our house, both of us immediately felt exhausted. We had done it, but it had been a hard road.

God is good though, and through it all we have been blessed.

We have been blessed by the fact that we could stay with our parents and store our stuff for free in their garage while we sorted life out.

We have been blessed by the help we have received from family and friends in moving and through prayer and love.

We have been blessed that it really didn't take as long as we thought it would to get settled here.

Everyone, including ourselves, had predicted that it could take months to find jobs in a small town, and those jobs would probably pay a lot less than our jobs in the big smoke did. But this has not been the case. Both of us found jobs within a week of moving down and both jobs are at better pay than what we had previously!! In our minds this fact cemented that we are doing the right thing.

I am working now at a charitable trust for Maori. I process grants which help encourage the health and education of the local iwi/tribe. Though i may sit behind a desk, I find it very fulfilling knowing that I am helping a people that have had much work against them.

Hubby is working as a supervisor as the local Alternative Education centre. This is a centre for kids aged 13-15 who have effectively been expelled from the local high school and yet, by law, have to still be enrolled in school. They are all from rough backgrounds, most are related to gang members, and 95% of them are Maori. His job helps give my job even more meaning.

Needless to say, his work stories are far more interesting than mine, and far more heartbreaking.

He comes home with stories of drug use, abuse, crime, kids not having lunches, being picked up by the police, and getting in fights. They are hardened criminals, who also turn into excited little children when he teaches them ukulele. 

I breaks my heart when he tells me these stories. I mean, these are little kids and yet he laughs if I offer to invite them round for dinner. My instinct is to mother them. Yet, if I did that, we could/would be targeted by gangs intent of burglary or other devious crimes. They are children on the outside, and yet their lives have taught them only violence and crime as survival instincts.

I feel hopeless when I think about this. The reality is that these children are going to grow up and be, whether willingly or forced, part of a gang system that will feed them nothing but hate and drugs. And there is nothing I can do about it, because I can't get involved. Even hubby has limits as to what he is allowed to do within his role.

So how do you help a kid who you can't give things to, who it isn't safe to bring back to your house, and who you know is vulnerable and needs love? 

Does my safety trump bringing them home?

It messes with my mind when I try and bring my sacrificial faith face to face with the reality of what would happen. And I know what would happen. Hubby's mother works in the police down here and knows the families of these kids well. She knows what they would do. And it wouldn't be pretty.

So I pray, and I cry, and I physically ache for these kids. And I try my best at a workplace that would try and change the inevitable for these families. But mostly, if I am really honest, I try not to think about it. I don't want to feel hopeless and helpless, so I block it out.

Until I read an article like the one linked here.

If you can't be bothered reading the link, here is the cliff notes:

1. abuse is bad

2. here are some signs of how abusers act

3. abusers are out to get you so watch for signs

4. we will help you if you are in an abusive relationship

Now I agree with 3 out of 4 of these points. And point 3 is not explicitly stated, it is more the way that the author talks about the abuser, as if they were purposely acting in such a way in order to fool you.

I don't think this is the case at all.

When I hear about the kids at the AE centre, what I hear about are children who have been brought up in an environment perfect for producing an abuser.

They own nothing.

They lack love.

They respect no one (especially women).

Figures of love use violence.

Violence is how they solve their issues.

If they want something they take it.

This list is exactly what happens in an abusive relationship. But I don't think an abuser looks a someone and thinks "right, I want to abuse them, so I need to con them into loving me and then beat the s**t out of them."

Rather, what I think happens is that they are genuinely looking for love, it's just that they have been taught that love is possession and control. It's not that they necessarily WANT to hurt someone, it's just that they have no other tools in their emotional toolbox to deal with relationships, jealousy, love, anger, or anything. So they use what they know.

The sad thing about our society is that we demonise those that abuse. Yet they have often been at the hands of abuse for so many years that nothing short of extreme, extravagant, loving help is going to make any difference. 

But instead of help, they receive misunderstanding. Instead of compassion, they receive death threats. Instead of love, they receive hate layered on top of hate layered on top of hate. They are told they are devious and wicked, instead of being told that they too are a victim. They are told they are as bad as socio and psychopaths, instead of being nurtured into healthy communication. 

Society is trying to heal hurt and anger with segregation and hate.

It won't work.

And yet we persist in this kind of thinking and acting time and time again. Even if we go to something less extreme as abuse, and look at bullying, the same response dominates how we treat those who victimise others.

Case and point is the X-factor debacle that dominate NZ headlines recently. Cliff notes again, judges said nasty things to contestant, judges were fired. From that one, very brief, story, news agencies around the world went crazy.

And so did the responders to the judges. 

It is unfathomable to me how we can yell against bullying, but then do it by bullying the judges themselves!! Hate messages, mail and tweets poured out towards these two judges who, to be fair, had been told to be harsh to make good tv. What was said about them was worse that what was said by them at times.

Society thought it was permissible to abuse an abuser.

Why?

Why do we think that pouring out hate towards those who have shown hate can possibly rectify a situation?

Is it still a form of 'a tooth for a tooth' mentality? 

Because that is not what we are called to. Jesus refuted this way of thinking by calling humanity to something greater. Not a tooth for a tooth, he said, but love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Turn the other cheek to those who hurt you.

I AM NOT CONDONING ABUSE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM.

If you are in an abusive relationship then get out, so you can get help, and so that they can get help outside of the volatile situation that is your relationship. Neither of you will heal or grow if you stay where you are.

But as a society we are not called to defend the honour of victims by making more victims. We are called to show love and understanding in order to offer arms of healing. We can point out bad behaviour by refusing to take part in it. 

Be better than those who hurt others. Don't stoop to their level by showing only hate and refusing help.

I would like to finish with a quote by Martin Luther King Jnr. that pretty much sums up everything I want to say about this; why try say it better when a master has captured it so eloquently.

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, 

begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. 

Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.

Through violence you may murder the liar, 

but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. 

Through violence you may murder the hater, 

but you do not murder hate. 

In fact, violence merely increases hate. 

So it goes. 

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, 

adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. 

Darkness cannot drive out darkness: 

only light can do that. 

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

Christianity in the Workplace

After years of study I have finally completed my Masters degree and am back in the real world working.

Though I loved my study, I really do enjoy the challenge of working each day (though getting up early every morning sucks). I am someone who thrives on a challenge, on deadlines, and on getting paid! I am made for work it seems. I get a kick out of being depended on to get stuff done in time and I am very good at leaving work at work so I can spend time happily at home.

Being back in the work place has raised some interesting issues that I have not had to face in years. Studying theology meant that the majority of the people I saw everyday shared the same beliefs as me, if not the same doctrines, and I was reasonably certain that I could talk about my faith openly and honestly with any of them.

Being in the workplace doesn't offer such opportunities. I am NOT an evangelist. Going up to people and talking to them about Jesus is not one of my giftings. I am able to talk to them about their lives, their issues, their families, but when it comes to faith I get very uncomfortable. I am never sure what to say without offending people. I feel like I am being bigoted if I voice my feelings. I am not sure how to say that I don't agree with someone without coming across as a b***h. 

I think my main issue is that I am a straight talker. I tend to tell it like it is. If I don't agree with you then I will say so. This doesn't lend itself well to situations where people of other faiths may take offense. Though it has its place, straight talk is not always welcome. 

And so I find myself feeling embarrassed and awkward. Not because of my faith but because of my inability to vocalize it well to non-believers. Gimme a room full of Christians wanting to learn more about the Bible and I am away! But fill that same room with non-Christians and I break out in a cold sweat.

This leaves me in an interesting predicament. How do I as a Christian speak well about my faith in the workplace? 

I have already meet a man from the Christadelphian sect/cult. He told me that Jesus is merely a man whom God has honoured above all others, but he is not God. Immediately I was thinking of all the correct theological answers to this statement. But the reality is that this man was raised in this faith and may not appreciate being told he is wrong. Not doubt he is already aware of what other Christians think about Jesus and is use to being told he is wrong. In this situation being silent was much more helpful than being....well....me.

So how does one be a Christian in a workplace filled with different faiths? Does my theological training simply go on the back burner to be used at home and at church only?

To put it simply, no. I did not study theology as a job but as something that impacts my whole life. It is part of my faith and as such impacts my entire life.

Instead of theology being put aside, what I need to do is put my outspokenness aside. 

All Christians, not just me, need to learn when to speak and when to stay silent. We need wisdom to read a situation and know what would best serve the person we are talking to. Love is about catering to them, not about our own need to be proven right.

We also need to remember that it is our lives that speak for us. St. Francis of Assisi once said that Christians need to "preach the kingdom of God constantly, when necessary use words." What he meant was that in our actions, our love for others, our attitude towards our bosses, our ethic toward our work, the way we treat our team mates, it is in those things that our faith is made apparent to others. This isn't always easy. There are days when we don't feel very loving (6:30am everyday for me!) and it may not come through that we are any different from others. But with God's grace, and with the Spirit to strengthen us, we can endure all things.

So what does it mean to speak about my faith at work?

It means to sometimes just stop speaking.

Loving My LGBT Neighbour?

I, like everyone else not living under a rock, is aware of the fact that the world is changing in regards to homosexuality. Laws are changing in many countries to allow homosexual couples to marry, decriminalising homosexual lifestyles and basically allowing homosexuals the same rights as their straight counterparts.

However, this isn't the case in other countries. Uganda is one such example. Watch the below video to catch up a little as to what is going on.

This clip is satirical in nature so maybe something a little more serious is in order.

It cannot be denied that to be homosexual in Uganda is somewhat dangerous these days and that this atmosphere of intolerance has been fuelled by extreme views by pastors claiming to be of the Christian persuasion.

So what? I hear you ask. Why do we care? Uganda is all the way over there and we are here and it doesn't affect us. Why don't the homosexuals just go to another country and leave Ugandan's to their ideas?

Well, let me just throw a few things out there for you.

1) This issue has been inflamed by the West stirring things up in Africa. This makes it our problem because it began as our problem.

2) Anything that hurts human rights for any human being should be our business. We are human. We don't like being treated like less human than other people. Therefore we should be really concerned if some people are being treated that way. Just as we now get upset if anyone claims that a black person is less human than a white person (which use to be law just fyi), we should be upset if someone says that a gay person does not deserve the same rights as a straight person. Saying that basically relegates the gay person as less human as the straight person. If you wouldn't like to be treated that way then you should be flipping upset if it is happening to someone else.

3) Why should people be kicked out of their country because they choose to live in a different way with a consenting adult? I am not talking about a crime that is dangerous and hurtful. Homosexuals are not paedophiles or dangerous to anyone. They just want to be treated as a human being who gets to choose their lifestyle. Why should they have to leave for that?

Now I need to state something before I go any further. I am a Christian and I do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle. I don't believe that being Christian and not agreeing with homosexuality goes hand in hand for many people, but for me they are linked. HOWEVER, my gay friends (yes, I do have them) know this and we are able to talk about our opposing views with love and respect. 

My views on homosexuality HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH my views on human rights.

And this is an issue of human rights NOT religion, faith, belief, sexuality or anything like that.

As a Christian, above and beyond everything else, I love God and I love others. 

To love others is to always, no matter the issue, stand with those who are being oppressed. It doesn't matter if they are being oppressed for being a woman, being black, being Muslim, being gay, or being a vegetarian. If someone is being oppressed, if their dignity and worth as a human being is being taken away and/or abused, then it is my duty as a Christian to stand with them, to speak for them, and to fight for them.

What is happening in Uganda to the LBGT community is WRONG. 

It is wrong that people are living in fear because of sexual orientation.

It is wrong that when I watch the above video I am ashamed of the Christians and being associated with them (on another note it is not wrong that I totally proud how Pepe dealt with that awful interview).

It is wrong that when I post pro gay statements on Facebook that I get slammed by Christians who see it as bad that I can support people fighting to be heard as equal human beings.

When Christians speak only about why we stand against homosexuality all we do is paint Christians with the homophobic brush. Everyone is well aware of how we feel about homosexuality by now. I don't think anyone is surprised when a Christian says that they don't agree with that lifestyle. Duh!

But to stand with the LBGT community as they fight for equal rights is something unheard of. It is something that has the potential to bring reconciliation and love between to opposing camps. It has the possibility of showing the love of Christ to those who are all to aware of what we stand against.

So I guess the last reason Uganda should be on our radar is because it is symptomatic of the arguments that are occurring between Christians and LBGT communities. It shows what happens when those conversations become part of law. It shows how hate can be taken to a national scale.

Uganda, if nothing else, should make us pause and think about what our words sound like to those who are LBGT and what impact that may be having on the wider global community.

The Gospel and Geordie Shore

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog. This is due to the fact that I have been finishing my Masters Thesis. Now it is done!!! Handed in and everything!!! So now I am back and ready to look at life, the gospel and everything!!

Tonight I am home alone with a lung infection while my man goes out and plays a gig. That means that this lonely heart is flicking through the channels and wondering why there are so many crap shows on! I have hundreds of channels and nothing to watch!

Geordie Shore flicked across my screen and, like an idiot, I decided to kill a few brain cells by watching it. If you have never seen Geordie Shore a) don't and b) here is a short synopsis:

4 guys and 4 girls in Newcastle, England (also known as Geordies) are put into a flat Big Brother style and then they drink, have sex with each other, have dramas, and drink some more. It's quality stuff.

Maybe my lung infection has spread to my brain but I started to wonder why this show existed. Can that many people find this show interesting enough that it warrants not only this show but Valley Nights, Here Come the Geordies, and Ex On the Beach (all spin offs)?

The crazy thing to me about this show is the way that every single one of the members has sex with each other, despite having partners and/or sleeping with others of the team, and yet they all get upset about relationship failures. If one of the girls sees her man of the hour hooking up with another girl they go psycho with rage, but then do exactly the same thing back.

It made me wonder, what does the gospel say to people who live like this? How can Jesus reach people like this who spend most of their time drunk out of their minds and having sex with random people?

The funny thing is, I have quite a good insight into this as I was once one of those people. I like to think I wasn't as bad as these guys but the reality was that my life hung on alcohol and boys. 

What I recognise in this show is the desperation that all of these people have for someone to love them. Even if it starts with a one night stand, the reactions show that each of these guys and girls have a desire to be loved, to mean something to the person they are sleeping with. They pretend not to care when they get rejected or cheated on, but it doesn't quite work and they inevitably end up in tears or in a rage.

Ultimately, these people are lonely and desperate for love.

They fill their lives with alcohol and sex thinking that these two things will make them feel less lonely, make them feel loved. One girl said tellingly that she wasn't use to guys not paying attention to her so when a guy she liked ignored her she felt lost and confused. She has equated sex and sexual attention as love, and when that doesn't happen her whole understanding of herself and her life is called into question. 

The gospel would say to people like this that they are loved, that they don't need to give their body to find love. Yet, Christianity is not a faith that is based on extreme sensory experience. Faith does not feel like a drunken party, and being in love with Jesus is not the same as having someone sexually attracted to you. So faith can seem boring compared to a life full of sensual desire.

The challenge that we face in professing the gospel to a generation that is fuelled by drugs, alcohol and sex, is that we first need to explain what love actually means. We are speaking a different language to them when we say the word 'love'. To them love has always been used to get them into bed, as a way to manipulate. Love in terms of the gospel is the exact opposite of this. There is no manipulation involved, merely a desire to bring wholeness to a persons life.

So what do we do with that? 

I believe the first step is to live out gospel love at all times. Being Christians who get drunk or sleep with people outside of marriage is not necessarily bad for our own faith (though I would argue it still is) but actually shows people that our understanding of love through Christ is still not enough to overcome the sensual temptations of the world. Through our actions everyday we say whether or not the love of Christ is something that overcomes the world, or is merely something we profess with our mouths but not with our lives.

With people who spend their life seeing another, false form of love lived out, it is through our every day actions of real love that will show them a alternative that is worth living.

Too many Christians think that getting drunk and having sex with their partner outside of marriage is either ok, or not ok because the rules say so. But actually it is about whether or not the love of Christ is something we take seriously, that impacts our whole life and becomes a testament to a world that has gone crazy on its own desires.

Once we recapture what it means to be loved, then maybe we can start reaching those who are so desperate for it.

Perhaps it is when we start taking seriously the love of Christ in our own lives that this will start to impact the lives of those around us. We don't want to offer Christianity as a Jesusified version of a drunken party. We don't want people giving up drugs just to get high on the Holy Spirit. We believe that Christ's love offers an alternative to everything in life because it transforms life to the point where sensual desires are not the be all and end all.

I watch Geordie Shore and feel deeply sad for the young girls and guys on the show who don't know love and appear to have no one living it out in front of them. I pray that one day someone will be salt and light to those people, and until then I hope I can be the same for people I meet in my life.

2 Years On...Have I Learned Anything?

My husband and I just celebrated 2 years of marriage.

We met when we were both students with no responsibilities or commitments to speak of.

Nawww...look at us, so CUTE!!!!

Now he is working, I am studying (still), and we are looking after a teenager! Things have changed somewhat in the last two years. 

So I decided to do my top 5 things I have learned from being married to this amazing man...

5. The joy of Turtles, Butts, and Limpets.

Yes you read that right.

All of these three things have one thing in common: they are all nicknames that hubby and I use for each other. Kinda gooey and gross I know but we have a lot of fun with our nicknames. Turtle can become turtlebutt, or turtle limpet, or turtlelimpetbutt etc. I have no idea why this started. I know the first one was me calling him sweet cheeks (and not because of his smile wink wink, nudge nudge) but from then on in, it took on a life of it's own.

In fact, I am not sure I can remember the last time I actually used in name properly without any add ons or funny accents or anything. And I love it! It makes us laugh, keeps us from getting to serious with each other, and when you are angry with someone how can you not laugh when they are calling you a funny name to make you smile???

Look at that ass....


4. Dates to the Supermarket

If you have ever been a student you will know how hard it is to stretch the budget for anything other than the essentials. So for hubby and I, since day one of our relationship, actual dates have been out of the question for the most part.

So where do you go when you can't afford to go anywhere?

TO THE SUPERMARKET!!!

No jokes, one of my fav things still to do with hubby is just go and do the weekly shop with him. He may not feel that connected to our shopping adventures, but I feel like they give us time to slow down, pick little things out that we know each other likes, and a chance to talk about nothing much. When I don't do the shopping with him I find it stressful and icky. But doing it with him reminds me of when we were first dating, holding hands around everywhere because we couldn't get enough of each other, and choosing presents for each other.

Love in the vegetable aisle!


3. The Mundanity of Life

I love doing nothing with hubby. Seriously. As I write this we are sitting on different couches on our separate computers doing our separate things. But every five minutes or so he will look at me and say "I love you" or pull a funny face, or sing a line from a song, or 101 other weird things that he does that make me feel so loved. He also has this habit of getting up every once in a while just to kiss me, or reaching out with a hand or foot so he can touch me, even just for a second. I know he sounds too cutesy to be real, but it is true!

And I love it. I love doing the laundry with him and laughing as he pretends to get lost in the washing that is hanging on the line. Or cooking dinner and having him come up behind me to hug me and kiss my ear. Or cleaning the house and watching him rage over the vacuum cleaner. All these little things make life that much more amazing.

It's the little things....


2. The world's cheapest bouquets

One of my most favourite things are the flowers that hubby gets me.

He doesn't buy them.

He picks them.

Yup, this man is so perfect that he goes out of his way to look for pretty flowers to pick for me.

In fact, the other night, on our anniversary, we couldn't afford to go out and do anything special, so my man faked a phone call, went outside, found different kinds of flowers, and brought them back for me.

Now some people will say that is cheap. But for a girl like me who had never really been given flowers before in her life, the fact that he thinks of such things makes me go all gooey inside. That he wants to go out of his way like that for me, or that he would see a pretty flower and think of me. I don't know if it would be better if he had spent heaps of money on a flash bouquet. To me, his ones are perfect.

If they are good enough for God...


1. CUDDLES!!!!

My absolutely number 1 favourite thing of all time is getting to go to bed with my hubby and lie in his arms as we talk about our day. It is the place I feel safest and most at home and most loved. I love it when we are falling asleep and he rolls over to snuggle into my back. Or when he randomly grabs me and hugs me during the day. And I like it when things progress to the 'special cuddle' too :P

My man is definitely a lovey dovey kinda guy and it has taught me to be as well. He commented the other day that in the last two years I have become so much more relaxed and carefree. And he is right. I have. And it is thanks to having someone who makes me laugh all the time.

Two years is not a long time but it has been long enough for me to realise that there is such a thing as joy in life. It has shown me that even when stresses happen (and believe me, the last two years we have had our fair share) that they pale in comparison to the fun and happiness that can come from just letting yourself be a little bit silly and letting yourself be loved.

So Turtlebum, happy anniversary. I love you xxxx

The Battle of the Bulge and the Strength of Community.

Ah weight issues, my old nemesis. 

Yet again we meet. 

 I saw you just this morning as I walked passed my mirror and was determined not to acknowledge your presence.

I almost could pretend that you didn't whisper in my ear as I ate a muffin.

I nearly ignored you completely as I tried on a new dress. 

You keep showing your ugly face, your sneer and hateful words are expected and put up with on many days, despite how much I would rather tell you to piss off.

I hate you and you scare me, but for some reason I have put up with you for so many years that I am not sure how I would be without you anymore.

But I am learning.

Last week I stood in front of several groups of people whose eyes told me that they knew you intimately.

In those groups your presence was very much alive and well.

And yet it was in those very places, where I expected you to be strongest, you were at your weakest.

Somehow, as we looked at each other and talked about you, it was there that you failed to have control.

There you were named properly and seen for what you really are; something that can be defeated and controlled.

I saw your influence and at the same time I saw your weakness.

These fighters are not giving up.

I do not fight you alone.'

We shall overcome.

Please, SHUT THE HELL UP

  

I have been through a fair amount in my life and like to think that I am a fairly accepting, easy going kinda gal.

But there are some things that really grind my gears.

I am talking fist forming, teeth grinding, 'stop talking for your own physical safety' kind of grinding.

The complete list of these topics and situations is way too lengthy to post here (hmmmmm.....maybe I am not so easy going after all) but there is one in particular that I want to bring to your attention.

THE CASE OF THE WELL MEANING BUT OBLIVIOUS ADVICE GIVER

As anyone who knows me can testify to, I love giving my opinion....on anything.....at any time. I know that it annoys people sometimes so I have learned, or am still learning, to shut the hell up and not assume people want to hear everything in my head. 

One of the reasons I have learnt this is because of the situation that I am about to outline.

Luke and I are poor. Not starving in Africa poor or living in the slums of India poor. We are still rich compared to most of the world. But relatively speaking we are not rich. We struggle to find money for everything, we often need people to help us out, and we have choose very carefully over what is a necessary buy and what is not. We also have a lot of debt from student loans etc and we live in a single room studio apartment in not the flashest (or anywhere close) part of town because we can't afford anything else. In short, we are like most students/beneficiaries/working class people.

I am trying to eat healthy. Family members are generously paying for me to attend weight watchers (coz I can't afford to pay for it) and I figure that to make good use of their money I need to eat well and put my all into it.

I don't know if you have been to a supermarket recently in NZ but there are a) not many choose from and b) not that much difference in their prices anyway. But I choose to shop at the one that has been tested as the cheapest to make my money go further. I budget, I list, and I shop carefully for bargains.

Despite these measures it is freaking hard to get good, healthy, nutritious food for our budget for three meals for seven days for two people. 

Good cuts of meat, decent fish, free range chicken? Forget about them. 

Enough fruit and vege for 5+ a day for two people that is decent quality and a good range? Bloody hard to find. 

Milk at nearly $2 a litre? Maybe, if there is enough money after everything else we have to get.

Tampons? Pads? Tissues? Nice soap? Good toothpaste? Or, for those of you like me who started going grey at 14, hair dye so you don't get mistaken for your husbands mother? Luxuries that need to be seriously considered if bought at all.

Apart from the huge inequality these prices make in living standards between the rich and those of us who aren't so rich, I really feel for people who may not know how to make healthy choices and see the choice as being between milk at $2 a litre or coke for $2 for 1.5 litres. Or apples at $5 a kilo or snack bars for $3 a pack of 6. If you are pinching pennies it is hard not to go for the bargains and get a trolley full of food.

But what is worse than this blatant inequality, what is worse than this pricing of essentials too high to afford, is the advice I have been given about how to deal with it.

I have been told, by numerous people, that I am simply wrong, that you can eat healthy for the same amount of money for the same amount of food.

Really? What planet are you living on?

What is worse is that nearly all of these people are wealthy and who wouldn't give up the luxuries that they are telling me to give up.

Would you be annoyed if you had to give up your favourite body wash? Would you be upset if the color of your hair made you look 20 yrs older than you are? Would you be annoyed if you had to choose quantity for your family over quality?

Would you be upset if you had to give up anything that you currently take for granted?

Then why can't poorer people be annoyed too??

What makes them less entitled to this stuff than the rich?

How is it fair for rich people to assume that poorer people should just be ok with what they can get, not what they want?

And why the hell should I listen to someone who has never had to consider getting a food parcel from the food bank, who has never had to decide whether tampons are a necessary expense, and who has never had to make the choices about food that we have??

....*Big breath, think about Jesus Christine, calm down*....

I'm sorry for that little outburst but really, when things are tight the last thing you need to be told is how actually you are wrong, you are obviously deluded, and you need to listen to the advice of someone who has never had no money in their lives.

It's kinda like being told by a whole-life-skinny person how to lose weight. 

Or a never-smoker how to quit.

Or a tetotaller who to stop drinking.

It is patronizing. It is insulting. It is not in anyway shape or form helpful.

I think sometimes we all need to learn how to shut the hell up, stop giving advice and rather listen to the problem, ask if we can help, and sit with people in their angst.

We are so quick to give advice as a society. Somewhere along the line we got told that we can't be wrong and everybody needs to know that. 

But guess what?

THAT IS WRONG!!

If we stopped talking and started to listen would what we hear shock us?

Would it make us rethink how we treat people and how we act?

If we became a people of love and not a peerless of advice what would that look like?

Would it make a difference?

Beautiful People

 I am excited about tomorrow.

Tomorrow I get to spend the day with a group of people in discussion with theologian Vinoth Ramachandra. 

I feel like a kid before Christmas!

Vinoth is one of the foremost writers in theology and culture and is a personal hero of my mentor Rod Thompson. To get to spend time in conversation with a man of this stature and intellect is such an honour and a privilege. Squeals of excitement happening over here.

I am currently reading a book that Vinoth produced back in the 90's called 'Gods That Fail' looking at culture, modern idolatry, and christian mission. It's some good reading on the side of all my study and I highly recommend it.

I also had a great day going to my weight watchers meeting. There is something really wonderful about sitting with a group of people who understand what you are going through and who are really supportive. 

But reading Vinoth and doing WW has got me thinking about what we idolize in our culture. 

                                         

I would like to say that health, weight and beauty are some of those idols.

Now a lot of my blogging inspiration comes from things I see on tv and this is no exception. There are so many ads that are aimed at losing weight, looking good, and being attractive. How many times a day a we told that the way we look is not good enough? If only we were to lose ten kilos, buy this make up, wear these clothes, then we would be sexy and desireable and life would be better.

Being fit, skinny and sexy become all important. As a larger size woman I can tell you that it is freaking hard to get stylish clothes that aren't only for skinny people. Labels don't want to be associated with big bodies. Don't believe me? Check out what the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch said in recent statements about his brand! I have even been into a store to buy a present for my sister to be told at the door that the store wouldn't have anything suitable for a woman of my size. The woman was lucky not to get punched in the face!

Joking, I am a pacifist.

I make pacifiers out of my fist.

No really, I am joking. Not a violence fan. But I was really offended. So some other store got my money.

What I am constantly told as a woman of size is that I need to buy something to make me feel better or look better, or I will turn out like the stereotypical fat person on tv and movies who is comedic relief and never gets the hot guy. 

Fat is ugly, unhealthy, unsexy and therefore of the devil.

Yes, I agree that having fat is unhealthy. But not to the point where health becomes a god. 

But this obsession doesn't end with weight. We have an absolute paranoia of germs! The number of ads there are for the latest product that will get rid of 99% of bacteria is insane! We are breeding a generation that will have no immune system when they grow up because they are growing up in sterile homes. And think of what those chemicals are doing to our bodies!

Being healthy is good, but when is it finally too far?

        

What does it say to the person in a wheelchair when they turn on the tv and see the new Special K ad that tells them that to be human is to run and move? What does it say to the terminally ill child when they are told that the best child is a healthy child? What does it communicate to the woman who has had a double mastectomy and has lost her hair to cancer treatment when she is told that long hair is beautiful and women with big breasts are more attractive?

What is it saying to you when you are bombarded every day with images telling you that you are not good enough, pretty enough, healthy enough, sexy enough?

There has to be another way!

There has to be another message to listen to!

Well it's your lucky day because here is one that was prepared earlier....

God is a God of messed up, ugly, broken people.

That means that God is the God of us all.

All throughout history we can see God using the foolish and non-beautiful people of the world to make a difference. Jesus came down in the form of a carpenters son, not a prince, and it says explicitly in the gospels that he didn't look like anything special.

God doesn't love the bikini model more than the paraplegic. God doesn't care if you run every day or if you have never seen the inside of a gym or know what one is!

God doesn't love me because I am fat, or because I am trying to lose weight. God loves me because I am me. I don't have to be special, I don't have to change the world. I don't have to be famous or have a viral YouTube clip. I don't have to fit the latest fashions or wear branded clothing. Because in the end all that stuff is meaningless anyway. In the end the prettiest model is going to get old like me, die like me, and rot in the ground like me.

The difference is where we go from there.

I lose weight so I don't get a disease later in life, so I can have children safely, and so I don't die way younger than my husband.

Not so I look sexy or fit a pair of jeans or to look pretty.

                                      

We have made being sexy, skinny, and pretty such an idol that is consumes us. Men are accustomed to viewing the bodies of models and porn stars and become disappointed with reality. Women are obssessed with looking younger and skinner to the point of starving themselves. Both sexes expect their partner to look sexy all the time or their attention will go elsewhere. 

There is a different way. There is a way to be loved where it isn't your appearance but the content of your character that is what is important. 

You are loved this way by God.

Perhaps we can learn to love others that way too.