Masturbation is one of those issues.
Any one who grew up in New Zealand, and is under the age of 35, will have grown up with sex-Ed in schools. Some parents opted to have their child sit out of those classes, but most of us sat through the embarrassing talks about pubic hair and the start of periods (for the girls) and wet dreams (for the boys). At 13 we squirmed as we sat in mixed gender classes and learned about condoms, safe sex, sexual exploration, and masturbation.
I vividly remember a video that we were shown as a teaching tool on the subject of masturbation. There was a cartoon boy who got in bed and started moving under the covers. A finger and lightening bolt suddenly appeared in the sky and voice over told us that some people would tell us that masturbation was bad, but actually it is healthy exploration.
This image stuck with me (as did the lesson on placing condoms on a banana). I was never explicitly told by anyone that masturbation was not Godly. My family weren't exactly open about talking about this kind of stuff and, as far as I remember, my youth group never addressed sexual education either.
(random aside: I spent a few years working with at risk teens in a youth group and I did a series on sexual education and health and is was very relevant. When some of the older members of the congregation found out this was happening they demanded I stopped. I had to fight my case to the leadership and won the right to continue my teaching, but this attitude of not addressing the issues of sex is not uncommon in churches).
Even though it was never expressed by my church, the fact that school was telling me that religious people taught that it was unGodly made me question these things.
The fact is that many people question the place of masturbation in the life of a Christian. Is it ok? Is it bad? Are there limits to how often or how it is done? I have heard these questions so many times from girls and guys, young and old, single and married, that I am surprised that it isn't addressed in churches!
Everyone does it. Does that make it ok?
I know people who have been addicted to masturbation. I am thinking of one story in particular of a person who masturbated a lot and then, when they got married, had issues because they enjoyed their own 'attentions' more than what their spouse could do for them.
I know many people who have issues with porn and masturbation is a major part of this issue. It then becomes less about releasing sexual tension and more about addiction to something destructive and harmful.
I know people who have tried to stop masturbating altogether and then had problems with the disconnect between their emotions and their body. Once married they struggled to associate sexual pleasure with feelings of love because they had told themselves that masturbation was bad and had squashed their sexual desire to the point that it created problems later.
I have known of people who have given themselves serious medical issues from too much masturbation.
I know wives who have felt rejected and disgusted when walking in on their husbands, and I have known husbands who have felt hurt and emasculated by the enjoyment their wives can give themselves.
Masturbation is no small issue.
The Bible does talk about masturbation. It tells us that a man who 'spills is seed' outside of his wife is a pretty bad dude. But we need to take into consideration and role of women and the importance of children in ancient Israelite society. Women were of little importance to a husband unless they produced children to continue his line. For a man to refuse to impregnate his wife by taking things into his own hands, as it were, was a great an injustice to the woman. It denied her her place as a wife and mother in a society where those things were all important. He would also be stopping the continuation of the israelite people which would be an affront to God.
What this teaches us is masturbation, where it denies your marriage partner their place as your sexual partner and as a parent, is selfish, unloving, and un-Godly. This could also be used as an argument against masturbation and porn as it degrading another person into purely a sex object, rather than as a partner that shares in your love and protection.
But we also need to remember that there was no thing as 'teenagers' in those days. We now have this period of life that is highly sexually charged where sexual activity needs to be held back til marriage (if you subscribe to Christian teaching). If masturbation can release some teenage angst and avoid ten age pregnancy, isn't that ok?
I would argue yes.
However, the reasons for and the use of masturbation need to be considered. It is possible to misuse masturbation just as much as it possible to misuse sex. It is also possible to misuse people in masturbation, through porn and fantasy, as it is in sex. But to deny masturbation and sexual desire can also lead to problems later.
So analyze your reasons. Think about what you are doing. If in doubt, find people you trust to talk about theses things with. Don't struggle in silence, we have all been there, it is nothing to be ashamed of!!
