It's official, I am an idiot

I have been going through a phase recently where I have wanted to be healthy.

I call it a phase because after last night it might seriously have to be reconsidered.

Let me tell you a story about trying to get healthy (this is 100% true!!)

I have been trying different techniques for trying to lose weight. I will be totally honest here and say that though I am really happy with who I am there are times when I look in the mirror after having a shower and think "my god, even I don't have enough love for this!"

Now I am sure everyone has moments like this but what makes it worse is that I compare myself to 17 year old Christine.

The smoker.

The addict.

The bulimic.

Oh yeah, I am that clever. I aspire to be like the messed up 17 year old me just to look good. I blame TV (but that's for another post).

Anyway, I digress.

So the latest thing (apart from exercise and trying to eat ok) has been acai berries and their natural antioxidants and I was doing ok with them.

Until last night.

As I write this I am shaking my head at myself and hear Luke's laughter in my head. He knew it was going to be a disaster. I didn't listen.

I was on the internet and I saw a link to this 'Doctor's' website that told me what I really need to do to help lose weight is do a liver detox. Of course his recipe was avaiable at the low price of I-am-never-gonna-pay-that-much so I went trawling looking for at home detox's I could do that night.

And I found one.

Oh Fool that I am, I heeded no warnings from my dearly beloved. I assured him that I would be fine, that this would be the end of my woes, and life would be happier from here on.

So that night I followed the instructions:

Mix half a cup of olive oil and juice of two lemons, drink and lie still for 20 minutes.

So dutifully I mixed, drank (while nearly gagging, the first sign that something is amiss) and lay down.

God in heaven, I was sent to hell.

My stomach churned, my head ached, bile repeatedly rose in my throat, but I pressed on.

An hour later I was glad that Luke suggested placing a bucket within reach next to the bed. Love of my life was playing Xbox at the time and when I was revisited by my awful drink (and everything I had eaten that day) it was so powerful that Luke thought someone had turned a tap on before he realised what was happening to his poor wife.

My stomach may have been cleansed but my liver was left untouched by any healing powers of oil and lemon. The only good thing that came out of this debacle was the calories I burned as my stomach muscles heaved for a good ten minutes.

So what have I learned from this?

First, listen to Luke when he says that something is going to end badly. He is probably right.

Second, anything that is mostly oil that involves digesting is going to go badly.

Third, do not think that fads on the internet will disclose all that will happen or even be good for you.

And last, I really have to figure out a way of either being happy with the way I look or being happy with the long time it takes to change. What I really MUST do is stop thinking about how I looked in high school; gravity and age and weight have made that body out of my reach forever and I just have to accept it.

I am an idiot, I know :P