My Story (part 2)

After sharing my story on this blog the other month I have been overwhelmed by the comments that I have received here, on facebook and in person. Thank you for your kind words, your stories and your expressed pride in me.

One question that I find repeated again and again is "how are you so happy after everything you have been through?"

I find this question difficult to answer.

In some ways it feels like my life before is a dream or a story I read. It doesn't hit me a lot of the time what I have survived and so it doesn't impact me. I think in some ways that this is a blessing and a coping mechanism; to feel all of it all the time would defeat the purpose of God freeing me from it in the first place.

It is also such a complex multi-layered thing that it is hard to pinpoint exactly what it is that made me happy.

Let me just say that two years ago I was still angry and miserable and wondering when I would feel joy.

Now I am not and I do.

All I can say is that the peace of God surpasses all understanding.

Even in the last year I have faced major struggles within my family and have spent a lot of time crying out to God for wisdom, for comfort and for healing in a situation that I can't control.

But even that hasn't broken me.

God gives you the strength that you need to face what you need to. My struggles are no more difficult than yours; the things that you are going through are just as painful, just as changing as these things were for me. God meets us where we are at and gives us what we need to get through, including the people around us who help us stand.

There is also the fact that my shame is gone.

I may feel shame when I recount some of the things I have done, but I do not carry it with me. I am free! Freed by the death that Jesus died for our guilt and shame. Carrying around my sins like a penance is pointless when they are already forgiven. Who am I to continually remind myself of what I have done when not even God does that to me?!

If you do not know God then this is what he offers. No strings attached. Freedom is a wonderful thing, a beautiful, amazing, life changing thing that lets you breathe and sing in a world that does all it can to crush you.

There is no other reason for my joy. It is all I have as an answer.

I hope one day you may experience it too.