A Year On...

Last Monday me and my hubby celebrated one year. It was a glorious day to remember all the wonderful things that we learnt over the year. Here are some of the silly and serious things that I wanted to pass on to any who are in, or planning to be in, a relationship.

1. The best things are the silliest. One of my fav things about Luke is how we can be such goofs together. Things like crump battles to metal music, nose battles (yes nose) and pretending to be octupuses (octopi??) are the funniest and best things!

2. Nose battles are perhaps the funniest and most competitive battles out there. You start with foreheads and noses against each other and then try and get your nose under the other persons and push it up until it is squashed. You know you have won when you can kiss the other person and they can't breathe!

3. It's ok to be silent together. Sometimes Luke and I go a whole day without really talking but we are i the same room and we take 5 second breaks to get up and go say hi to each other. Real love is comfortable.

4. Secrets are worse than mess ups. This is something I learnt in my last marriage but it totally applies!! We try to be completely one hundred percent honest. Sometimes it takes a couple of days depending on how silly or guilty you feel but it is sooo much better to be hurt than feel lied to.

5. In-laws can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you decide to treat them. Luke has never met my parents for various reasons, but I have met both of his sets. At first I was awkward (it happens) but it was up to me to get over that. It is really your call whether they will be your best friend or worst enemy. (btw his parents are awesome!)

6. Talking about past relationships can be awkward but needs to be done if you are ever gonna be able to move past things. Sometimes the best thing for both of you is to talk about the stuff that is the hardest to say.

7. If you are broke, like we are, then make sure you don't put every cent away for savings or bills. You need time out for both of you! We try and go out for dinner when we can. We can only afford the same place every time (which means we know the staff pretty well) but it gives us a place to feel like we are still dating.

8. Sex is a wonderful thing! Enough said.

9. Just cause you're married don't think that your issues before married will go away. If anything it will accentuate them. So talk about them! Even if you don't talk about them they are gonna become obvious really soon so don't think anything is gonna get hidden after the vows.

10. Chores suck so make them fun. Do them together, put on some music. Have a crump battle while vacuuming (if only I had videos). Don't fight about them, just get them done.

So that's my top ten. I have had the best year of my life. For the first time I feel I have memories I can cherish and love that I would really fight for. Marriage is a wonderful thing. It can be bloody hard too but at the end of the day you should be with your best friend and having the time of your life. Luke makes me laugh like nobody else. He also drives me crazy like nobody else. Like he told me on our anniversary, there is no one else he loves annoying more than me. 

But there is also serious stuff. There is the facing up to your own issues and seeing your faults highlighted by your relationship. There is so much humility that goes into relationships. A lot of honesty too. And putting up with snoring and people stealing the blankets (not that I am pointing the finger :p). 

I also realised that after spending years checking out the potential dating market, it is really hard to retrain your brain.

Bear with me here, I am not saying that I am scoping out other men when I am with Luke. I don't need to, Luke has the sexiest buns I have ever seen (don't blush baby hahah). But for years being a single woman, every man you meet is a potential until otherwise friend-boxed. It's true of boys and girls who are single. We can't help it. We want to be with someone so there is always the radar out there.

When you start dating and get married then it is all suppose to change. And it does. But it is hard to retrain your neurones after years of following the same path. So at work a nice looking man comes in and you find yourself flirting. Or someone gives you the eye on the bus and you preen a little. Or, and it happens, you find yourself attracted to someone else.

This happened to me this year. A guy at work was flirting with me and I felt pretty and quick as that the idea was planted in my head. I fought it, but it is like a worm that gets in and is hard to get out. I felt so bad that I could think about someone else, even if only a little bit, in my first year of marriage!! I felt guilty. I didn't want to tell Luke, I knew it would hurt him.

But we got some amazing advice when we had premarital counselling. They said to us that the best way to kill desire is to bring it out into the open with your spouse. And it's true. Secrets can only grow as long as they stay secret. So I told Luke, and within a day or two the ideas were gone and I was viewing this dude in a totally different light.

People sometimes ask why I put this stuff up here, why I tell the truth so much. I guess because if I do then it gives other people permission to be honest too. Seriously, these topics need to be discussed, if not with others then in your relationships.

This year has been amazing. I have never felt so loved and wanted by anyone before. I am sure there will be years that won't be as amazing but for now, life is pretty damn sweet :)