The On-going Saga

It just keeps going.

Since my last update on weight-loss there has been, and hasn't been, a bit to report.

I have been doing a no-carb diet that I have been told will restart my metabolism and get my body working again in eating itself. I have been doing the gym and Luke and I have given up all takeaways, fizzy drink (apart from those with no sugar), desserts (the biggest blow!) and any snacky things that are bad for us. 

The Result?

Luke has lost 5 kilos and I have lost nothing! 

AHHHHHHHHHH!

I cannot even tell you my frustration with this. I have no idea if any of you have battled the bulge but I tell you, to do all that work, to give up the things you love and then to have no result is so demoralizing I can't even tell you.

I keep telling myself that it is good for my insides to do this stuff. Apparently it is meant to be good for my mental health...not! It is far more depressing having to go to the gym for nothing than not doing exercise!

I have also been delving deep into my psyche (a scary and dangerous adventure) to try and figure out what my triggers are, where I trip myself up. I have been thinking deeply about why I like chocolate so much (if that isn't instantly obvious) and how I manage to sabotage myself.

And I have learnt something that I think is important enough to share with those out there in the virtual world who may also have the same issues.

I have learnt that I find this so psychologically hard because I have two different internal dialogues going on about the same issue.

On one hand I have this voice that is saying to me that I shouldn't bother. It says to me that there are so many young women in the world who are bombarded daily with messages telling them that to be desirable and happy they need to be skinny. It says to me that I sho

uld be a living example that says to them that you can be happy, you can find an amazing husband, you can be successful without being skinny. It says that I could live as an opposite of what the world says.

On the other there is a voice that says my body is a temple. I should be losing weight (and trying my hardest to do so) because of my faith in God and because I want to honour what he has given me. I want to live as an example of someone who perseveres in the face of insurmountable odds. I want to give hope to those struggling to lose weight.

So I want to be an example and give hope to people. A admirable thing I think but they are complete opposites to each other!!

I am going to try and pray my way through this one until I can figure out what to do. I still want to go to the gym either way but I don't want my life to be about focusing on weight, food, and exercise. I am lost and slightly confused and that will not help with staying on course with the hard work.

I need to figure this out. Thoughts welcome :)