I am starting training for my walk from one end of the country to the other for charity (see here and here for more info). This training involves going for a 2 hour walk as many times as I can a week. Hopefully I will get up to once a day. At the moment it is once every other day.
And here is why:
This is the conversation my body and I have every morning before, during, and after my 8km walk. Enjoy.
ME: Alarm has gone off, time to get up.
BODY: I don't wanna
ME: Come on, you know you will feel great if you get up for a walk.
BODY: Nope. I hate you.
ME: Ok, seriously, you can't do this to me every morning! We need to get up!
BODY: You suck. You go for a walk but I am staying in this nice comfy bed.
ME: I am giving you to the count of three to get your lazy ass out of bed.
BODY: *blows raspberry*
ME: 1……
BODY: Can't make me
ME: 2……
BODY: But you love your bed!
ME: 3…….
BODY: HA! didn't work!
ME: GET OUT OF BED!
BODY: Geez, ok, you don't have to yell or anything.
ME: *putting on shoes*
FEET: What? What is this? I was sleeping? Wait…..I know these shoes…..DEAR GOD NO! Run feet, run, get away before she puts those mmmnnnfffdmmmmdmd the rest is muffled by shoe)
Me: *start walking*
LEGS: What? Wasgoingon? I didn't sign up for this! The sun isn't even up properly!
ME: Come on guys, just a little bit faster.
LEGS: I HATE YOU! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!
ME: It's not for long.
LEGS: LIAR!!!!! We already hurt! Take us home NOW!
ME: *getting into the rhythm of walking*
BUTT: Hold the phone, who woke us up?
LEGS: It's the b***h we are attached to. She feels the need to abuse us again.
BUTT: But I am her favourite! She never makes me do anything! She just puts me on a comfy seat and that is me set for the day.
LEGS: Well aren't you lucky, she hates us, but not as much as feet.
FEET: mmmmmmmnnnnfffddmmmdddffff
BUTT: Shut up feet, we are hurting up here.
ME: *starts puffing*
LUNGS: Can…'t…..bre….athe…..
ARMS: Oh look, another nice day to be swung about.
BUTT, LEGS: SHUT UP ARMS!
FEET: mmmsshshsmmmttt
BRAIN: ok guys, ok, I got this, I will have a chat to her and sort out this obvious mix up.
BRAIN: Hi honey, whacha doing?
ME: Walking, getting fit.
BRAIN: Why you wanna do that for?
ME: Good for me.
BRAIN: Ok, I get it, you feel the need to better yourself. Hey, I am all for that, do it all the time. But you see, the rest of the body is in revolt.
ME: Suck it up, pain is good.
BRAIN: Now you and I both know that that is a lie. So how bout we just make it a short one this morning? You still went for a walk, you still feel good. But the rest of body feels good too. Whaddya say?
ME: No.
BRAIN: Ok, ok, I hear ya. How bout, you take the next turn back home, avoid the big hill, just walk the flat bit and take it easy? I am all for this pushing yourself thing, but Legs, they just don't get it.
ME: Must…keep….going
BRAIN: Well this is just silliness. There is the turn, come on, take it now, it's passing Christine, you going past it.
ME: Have to do the whole thing.
BRAIN: Ok, no worries, there is a short cut coming up and….
ME: NO.
BRAIN: It's no good guys, she won't budge.
LEGS, BUTT, ABS: WHAT??
FEET: wffffaaammmmm
BRAIN: OH, hello Abs, when did you wake up?
ABS: About 5 mins ago, really starting to ache, what is she thinking?
BRAIN: Well, apparently she feels the need to get fit. Apparently we aren't good enough the way we are anymore.
BUTT: Bloody hell.
LEGS: We have to convince her to stop!
FEET: mmmmnnnfnffffgggnnmm
ABS: What? What did Feet say?
BRAIN: I believe they were saying to give her hell.
LEGS: Challenge accepted.
ME: Oh God, I hurt so much. I can't go on!
BRAIN: I told you. I told you this would happen.
ME: I think I have blisters all over my feet.
BRAIN: Yes well, Feet won't really be pleased with that.
ME: I don't know if I can keep going.
BRAIN: So stop. Look, there is a nice wall. Have a sit down and call hubby on your phone and get him to pick you up.
ME: No…I can do this.
BRAIN: Seriously? Can you feel your body right now?
ME: I can do this!
ME: Woop woop! I did it!! I got home!!
BODY: *collapses*
BRAIN: *Switches off*
ME: *lying on floor half dead*
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