OK I'm TERRIFIED

Something major is happening in my life.

Something that is huge (or will be).

Something that is potentially gonna be awesome.

Something that terrifies the holy bejeezus outta me.

I, Christine Welten, am going to try and lose weight.

Now, before you stop reading, I know this may not seem like that big of a deal. But trust me it is. Lemme explain.

First of all, when I last got weighted at the doctor I cried because I realised how bad things were really getting. The idea of health issues etc when I am older scares me (and Luke) far more than anything else so I decided, no I DECIDED (capital letters are a must for this) that enough was enough, it was time to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get this under control once and for all.

But this is harder than it sounds.

The amount I will have to lose seems so monstrous that I am scared to even begin! 

I am scared I will fail and that I will just get depressed about it.

But most of all (for those who have read my last blog "My Story") my weight served as a mental 'protection' barrier from any unwanted attention from the opposite sex. Let's face it, no one checks out the fat girl and I actually like it that way.

So I am finding myself feeling sick at the thought of doing this.

But I am DETERMINED so do it I will. 

People don't call me pig-headed for nothing.

I guess the thing that is most daunting is the idea of a 'lifestyle' change. It is such an all encompassing thing that it seems a bit too...well....harsh is the best word I have.

I don't want to give up yummy tasting food, even if people try and convince me that my taste for it will change.

I don't want to get all sweaty and icky going to the gym everyday.

I don't want to have to think about my weight when I go out for dinner.

But let's face it, I don't really want to die of a heartache or diabetes related illnesses either. And that is by far the bigger issue (and motivator here).

The awesome thing about all this is I happen to have a qualified personal trainer as a friend and neighbour who heard that I was serious about this and has offered his services (good thing to because I couldn't afford one of those. Youtube would've been good but in person is much better).

Another awesome thing is having a husband who is going to sacrifice his own diet for my benefit to support me.

Poor Luke, he'll probably turn into a rabbit with all the veges.

It is time.

Feel the fear and do it anyway has always been my motto (that and "God has not given you a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a soundness of mind" 2 Tim 1:7).

I have got through worse and survived. I have quit smoking, drinking and a bad marriage and survived. I CAN DO THIS!!

(Please God help me do this)