Swimming in the Gay Debate

I had a comment on my post 'Wadding Into the Gay Debate' that I felt needed it's own blog in order to respond well to it.

The comment went like this:

I'm no theological student and there is still a lot I have to learn. I do know that Jesus called us to love our neighbor. This is a hard issue to tackle. At the end of the day, these people are people who, like anybody else, need GOD. We, Christians are supposed to be His representatives on earth. And I feel what you were saying about them being judged by the very group of people who should be showing them love.. In saying that, I do have a curious question. How would the church teach then in this area and still show love? For people outside of a religious organization, we show love by listening to their stories, by being friends, etc and never really necessarily being put in an uncomfortable spot because we sometimes don't address it. We give them really the freedom to be who they are as friends do. But in a church set-up, how do you think would that look like say for those who think that its alright to carry on or those who have no intentions of changing? Who, like in that blog I have shared with you consider gay christianity an ok thing? What do you think?:)

This person obviously can recognise a sucker for a debate when they see one! I have been thinking about this question since it was raised, to the point where I couldn't write another blog until this one had been formulated and then created. 

The answer to writer's block = find someone who will give you a difficult question that calls to be answered.

First of all, Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss Anonymous, to answer your question I am gonna have to break it down into several different areas (can anyone spot an essay geek?).

First: How do we, as the church, respond to people who are openly LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender/Transsexual)?

The way I worded that is crucial I think for your question about how the church addresses this. You make a distinction in your question between the way we react outside of church and the way we should teach inside of church. This distinction is a wrong and is, I am sad to say, is the way the majority of Christians I know think. There should be NO difference between how we react inside or outside of the building we call our church as it is US who ARE the church and the way we react on the street is teaching people about Christ just as much as the sermon from the pulpit is, if not more so. It is the fact that Christians can act one way and teach another that confuses a lot of people and makes them say that our arguments, whether right or not, are groundless.

However, if you are talking about those that aren't Christian outside of church and how they react with friendship etc then ignore everything I just said haha.

But really, in all seriousness, it is about friendship and love and understanding. It is astounding how much people will let you disagree with them when you actually know them and show them that you care. For example, I have a lesbian couple I know (I have referred to them before, because they are awesome!) that are fully aware that I am not sure where I stand on the whole thing sometimes. They have been known to discuss it with me, joke about it with me, and we even have nicknames for each other based around it (one of them is BD (big dyke) and I am BB (bible basher) lol) and it is all good natured and friendly and helpful! Because I didn't meet them by going "hey, you two lesbians, will you be my friends because I am a Christian trying to convert you", and really we can sound like that sometimes. I don't think it even came up for weeks! They were just who they were and I was who I was and that was that.

The way church should teach is the same way. Just as when you meet an alcoholic (bad analogy but work with me here) you don't say "right, action plan on how to target the alcoholic in the congregation with our sermon so they sober up", neither should we be thinking "how do we subtly convert the lesbians with our words?". Instead think, "hey, newbies at church! Let's make them feel welcome and loved". 

And that leads to the second point: How does the church actually teach on this if there are people following this lifestyle in the congregation?

Harden up.

Seriously.

If churches are willing to preach on lying and gossip and adultery (and no doubt there is some of those going on in any congregation), and the preacher thinks that homosexuality is an important, worthwhile topic that needs addressing, then suck it up, face the fear and preach about it. You will always offend somebody. Jesus didn't get crucified because he made everyone happy.

But that said, is it really a) that big of a deal for your church and b) said in grace and love? 

Sermons and teaching need to be relevant to the congregation in which it is taking place. For example, a sermon on the gospels view of slavery is going to have remarkably different reactions in New Zealand, Afrikaans, and American churches. Known your people. If this is a topic that is coming up over and over again in your congregation then you should address it. If you have a gay couple in your church though and no one else is gay, then would you write a whole sermon to target one other couples perceived issues/sin? No, you wouldn't (or you shouldn't!) because that is basically a form of naming and shaming and how stink is that!

Perhaps it would be wise to take the couple aside (if you are in a position to do so, like being the pastor) and ask them their views, tell them yours (and the churches if there is a unanimous statement) and ask how you can best serve them in this congregation when they may face opposing, and sometimes angry, opinions. Ask if they are prepared for that, if they aware of the stance. And do this all with LOVE and GRACE and a genuine desire to reach out and help them.

Ask if there are children involved, if this is a family situation, and how you can support their children in their faith as well. Remember, if you are willing to do a sermon on why they shouldn't be gay, then you better follow up on one about divorce because that is what you may essentially be asking them to do and so where do you stand on that? What will you do if it means tearing apart their family and the impact that it will have on children?

Be wise. Always be loving. Don't name and shame, and think about the consequences of your words.

Thirdly: How do we react if there is no desire to change?

I have a question to ask you first:

Are you willing to change everything that God might not like about what you do?

Everything?

Even the things you like to do?

I can't say I am! It was kicking and screaming that I gave up drinking, pre-marital sex and smoking! It is not easy!

But the wonderful thing, the amazing thing, is that this isn't your responsibility!!

Let me say that again:

Them changing is not your responsibility.

God is the one who created them.

God is the one who knows them.

God was there when they first decided to come out and the reasons for that.

God knows the love they have for each other.

God knows what is in their hearts.

God knows their hurts and fears.

God died for them.

God loves them.

God SAVED them.

It is GOD who will work in them and (if necessary)

It is God who will change them.

Not you.

Never you.

All God asks us to do is to love. To love deeply and honestly and openly. And out of that love, who knows! But that is not your call. It never was.

The church should not be in the business of changing people. It is just in the business of pointing people to the one who can. 

And that person is pretty on to it.

I think it is safe in their hands.